Are narcissists dangerous

Answer 1

Narcissists belong to two broad categories: the "compensatory stability" and the "enhancing instability" types.

These narcissists isolate one or more (but never most) aspects of their lives and "make these aspect/s stable". They do not really invest themselves in it. The stability is maintained by artificial means: money, celebrity, power, fear. A typical example is a narcissist who changes numerous workplaces, a few careers, a myriad of hobbies, value systems or faiths. At the same time, he maintains (preserves) a relationship with a single woman (and even remains faithful to her). She is his "island of stability". To fulfil this role, she just needs to be there physically.

The narcissist is dependent upon "his" woman to maintain the stability lacking in all other areas of his life (=to compensate for his instability). Yet, emotional closeness is bound to threaten the narcissist. Thus, he is likely to distance himself from her and to remain detached and indifferent to most of her needs. Despite this cruel emotional treatment, the narcissist considers her to be a point of exit, a form of sustenance, a fountain of empowerment. This mismatch between what he wishes to receive and what he is able to give, the narcissist prefers to deny, repress and bury deep in his unconscious. This is why he is always shocked and devastated to learn of his wife's estrangement, infidelity, or divorce intentions. Possessed of no emotional depth, being completely one track minded � he cannot fathom the needs of others. In other words, he cannot empathise.

Another � even more common � case is the "career narcissist". This narcissist marries, divorces and remarries with dizzying speed. Everything in his life is in constant flux: friends, emotions, judgements, values, beliefs, place of residence, affiliations, hobbies. Everything, that is, except his work. His career is the island of compensating stability in his volatile existence. This kind of narcissist doggedly pursues it with unmitigated ambition and devotion. He perseveres in one workplace or one job, patiently, persistently and blindly climbing up the ladder or treading the career path. In his pursuit of job fulfilment and achievements, the narcissist is ruthless and unscrupulous � and, very often, most successful.

The other kind of narcissist enhances instability in one aspect or dimension of his life � by introducing instability in others. Thus, if such a narcissist resigns (or, more likely, is made redundant) � he also relocates to another city or country. If he divorces, he is also likely to resign his job. This added instability gives these narcissists the feeling that all the dimensions of their life are changing simultaneously, that they are being "unshackled", that a transformation is in progress. This, of course, is an illusion. Those who know the narcissist, no longer trust his frequent "conversions", "decisions", "crises", "transformations", "developments" and "periods". They see through his pretensions and declarations into the core of his instability. They know that he is not to be relied upon. They know that with narcissists, temporariness is the only permanence.

Narcissists hate routine. When a narcissist finds himself doing the same things over and over again, he gets depressed. He oversleeps, over-eats, over-drinks and, in general, engages in addictive, impulsive, reckless, and compulsive behaviours. This is his way of re-introducing risk and excitement into what he (emotionally) perceives to be a barren life.

The problem is that even the most exciting and varied existence becomes routine after a while. Living in the same country or apartment, meeting the same people, doing essentially the same things (even with changing content) � all "qualify" as stultifying rote.

Based on my book "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited"

� 2003 Lidija Rangelovska Narcissus Publications

Never count on a narcissist! There were sometimes long periods of a few months of seeming stability with my mother, but only because others in her life were acquiescing to her demands or needs. Let the slightest thing ruffle her and she would wind up like a cheap pocket watch and explode in a rage. She enjoyed thinking of herself as a Gypsy and her CB handle was "Roadrunner" but, in fact, she was usually running away from something when she set out on another move and she resembled a petulent child packing up her toys and going home. Once, after getting mad at me and unwilling to find an alternative solution, she actually sold her home and moved 1800 miles away from me. Another time she quit her job and moved a mobile home 500 miles south. For a long time I made excuses for her and thought it was her Sagistarian birth sign that made her adventurous and spirited. Little did I know then how sick she really was.

Mother was married and divorced 5 times and told me countless times when talking about love, that she has never felt deep love for a man. Nor, from my perspective, has she felt deep love for anyone.

Because we were enmeshed I made the horrible mistake of trying to share my life with her, thinking she was trustworthy and dependable. She was that until I was no longer in her favor, then anyone who would listen to her was privy to my deepest secrets.

If my mother is any indication of a pathological narcissist, then you must not trust a word they say. They lie to keep in your good graces, but drop you like a dirty shirt if you anger them or fail them in some way. A narcissist is the ultimate betrayer.

Answer 2

Just from what I have read about narcissicists lacking the ability to feel empathy, I suspect that they are not affected by the injury they inflict on others, both emotional and physical injury. From my experience, I sense that they are desparately trying to rid themselves of the pain they feel by transferring it to their intimate relations, i. e., spouse, child, parent, sibling, partner. Of course this does not in reality lessen their pain, therefore those of us on the receiving end are powerless to to change this behavior, whatever actions we may attempt, EXCEPT TO REMOVE OURSELVES FROM REACH OF THE NARCISSICIST.