If your abusive partner has dumped you several times over the last 6 years and never apologized how does that coincide with an abuser's fear of abandonment?

Answer 1

Be sure you aren't assuming your partner is abusive because they dumped you because this would change the whole reasoning of things. PHYSICAL ABUSE is punching, kicking, scratching, throwing the person around, hitting with a closed fist causing split lips, black eyes, broken ribs, bruises, etc. MENTAL ABUSE is when the person seems to be playing mind games with you. Calling you stupid and you will never amount to anything in this world. Telling you you're ugly and no one would ever want you. Calling you lazy, a poor excuse for a girlfriend, wive and mother, etc. Now, if you fit into any of the above, you are abused. Abusers usually come from an environment of abuse and simply know no other way of handling frustrations they feel in themselves. While young there is nothing they can do about the abuse around them and they hold their anger inside of them and when they get older that anger comes out and the rage is set loose. Seldom do males who are abusive go for psychological counseling. Some men (or women) can feel they are abused in society such as losing a position in a job they feel they should have gotten or even possibly unfairly fired from their job. There could be a 100 reasons why the abuser feels frustrated and angry. Then there are just some abusers that are plain mean to the bone. Bullies! THIS IS NOT PHYSICAL/MENTAL ABUSE a light shove, holding the persons hands or arms away from you because they are hitting out of anger when they usually don't. Having an argument and they race out the door or enter another room slamming the door behind them or even locking the door behind them. Having an argument every so often and you are screaming at each other that may lead to calling each other names. Your mate is leaving you either because they can't deal with commitment or they are unhappy in themselves. In turn you have become an "enabler" because you keep taking your mate back without sitting down and communicating as to why they are doing this. They may feel trapped, edgy, angry with themselves, know they aren't treating you well so feel by leaving they aren't causing you more problems, but once away from you they may miss you and not because they abuse you, but because they love you and just don't have the first idea of how to deal with a person in a kind and understanding way. They have probably had no mentors in their lives to go by. Your mate just may be playing head games with you and seeing someone else, getting bored and coming back into your life and you've allowed it. Please try and sit down with your partner and discuss this (if they are not a physical abuser.) If they are physical then see a lawyer if you own a home, have children and other assets and take their tail to court and get a divorce. You cannot reason with a physical abuser and it can be dangerous. If the person is a mental abuser and you try talking to them and they won't listen or get help then you need to move on. Good luck Marcy