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yes because you are supplying their ego needs.
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I had to deal with a narcissistic ex 2-4x per week when exchanging our infant daughter for his visitation. He was abusive and it was getting worse-death threats and all that. I cut him off cold-turkey- no words, looked bored and glanced around the room slowly, bored-like when he went off (waiting to be handed the child).
He freaked, began insisting we speak "for the sake of the child". I told him simply "e-mail me." All he ever hears from me is "e-mail, e-mail". Getting him to do his thing in writing is good for court.
Also, now I pay the sitter to take/pick up the child (4 years later) so he rarely gets to even see me. When he calls to "talk to the child" the phone is handed to her. He is not permitted to speak to me, and is forced to write.
This has kept him on a short leash and choke collar, like the junk yard dog that he is, the dear.
Oh, almost forgot- act like the top dog around him- make HIM come to YOU at exchanges, whatnot. HE must always do the work. Keep your head high, but don't look him in the eye, just as the pack leader will not look a "lesser dog" in the eye. He is unworthy. Look bored, slightly amused, superior. It will kill him, and he will not want to be around you. His ego just cannot take it.
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Minimising direct contact with a narcissist is the best way to protect yourself from ongoing damage - especially if you have no choice but to have some sort of contact with them (as with the shared child custody example above)
Dont feed their Narcissism! Emails is great as you have a written record, and it is indirect. If you are not in a good place, you can postpone reading the mail.
Having a written record can be really useful when they try to do an switcheroo on you and change their position 180 degrees. You'll probably get some glib self righteous response back from them like "I have always intended to take this position." but to a court of law, the facts are what matters.
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∙ 11y ago
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