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Is there anyone who does not have narcissistic qualities?
There is a huge difference between having narcissistic traits, a narcissistic style - or even a narcissistic personality - and suffering from a Narcissistic Personality DISORDER. Healthy narcissism is a mature, balanced love of oneself coupled with a stable sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Healthy narcissism implies knowledge of one's boundaries and a proportionate and realistic appraisal of one's achievements and traits. Pathological narcissism is wrongly described as too much healthy narcissism (or too much self-esteem). These are two absolutely unrelated phenomena which, regrettably, came to bear the same title. Confusing pathological narcissism with self- esteem betrays a fundamental ignorance of both. Pathological narcissism involves an impaired, dysfunctional, immature (true) self coupled with a compensatory fiction (the False Self). The sick narcissist's sense of self-worth and self-esteem derive entirely from audience feedback. The narcissist has no self-esteem or self-worth of his own (no such ego functions). In the absence of observers, the narcissist shrivels to non-existence and feels dead. Hence the narcissist's preying habits in his constant pursuit of narcissistic supply. Pathological narcissism is an addictive behaviour. It is the psychoanalytic belief that we are all Narcissists at an early stage of our lives. As infants and toddlers we all feel that we are the center of the Universe, the most import ant, omnipotent and omniscient beings. At that phase of our development, our parents are perceived by us to be mythical figures, immortal and awesomely powerful, there solely to cater to our needs, to protect and nourish us. Both Self and others are viewed immaturely, as idealizations. This, in the psychodynamic models, is called the phase of "primary" narcissism. Inevitably, the inexorable processes and conflicts of life erode these perceptions and reduce the ideal into the the real. Adaptation is a process of disillusionment. If this process is abrupt, inconsistent, unpredictable, capricious, arbitrary and intense - the injuries sustained by the infant's tender, budding, self-esteem, are severe and, often, irreversible. Moreover, the empathic support of our caretakers (the Primary Objects, the parents) is crucial. In its absence, our sense of self-worth and self-esteem in adulthood tends to fluctuate, to alternate between over-valuation (idealization) and devaluation of both Self and others. Narcissistic adults are widely thought to be the result of bitter disappointment, of radical disillusionment in the significant others in their infancy. Healthy adults accept their self-limitations (the boundaries and limitations of their selves). They accept disappointments, setbacks, failures, criticism and disillusionment with grace and tolerance. Their self-esteem is constant and positive, not substantially affected by outside events, no matter how severe. Based on my book "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited" $ 2003 Lidija Rangelovska Narcissus Publications
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Would your ex-narcissist who just dumped you be seeing other women when he told you he is not seeing anyone else because he is working constantly?
Of course. One of the hallmarks of a narcissist is that they are pathological liars. They say whatever they need to. It is not unusual for a narcissist to keep several women o…n the back burner just in case and string them all along as sources of supply. It's apparent you are still in some sort of contact with your ex. He's luring you in and out like bait on a hook. Don't fall for it! Narcissists are about control, self- absorbed, a "me" complex, arrogant, ego-maniacal and they don't really care who they hurt as long as they get what they want. They can jump from women-to-woman without batting an eye and some are so miserable and cunning they will still keep their ex danging whenever the narcissist gets bored and he wants to reel her in to play. That's you! Get away from this guy and quit talking to him. Get out with normal friends and start dating again and this time read the signals and try not to pick someone who is bossing you around or putting you down. At the first sign of any of these traits it's time to kick the guy to the curb. You are in control of you!
Yes anyone can be a supply for them,anyone that is Not a narcissist ,and to be a victim you just need to be a human being with feelings.
somebody who has the following symptoms Reacting to criticism with anger, shame, or humiliation Taking advantage of others to reach own goals Exaggerating own import…ance, achievements, and talents Imagining unrealistic fantasies of success, beauty, power, intelligence, or romance Requiring constant attention and positive reinforcement from others Becoming jealous easily Lacking empathy and disregarding the feelings of others Being obsessed with self Pursuing mainly selfish goals Trouble keeping healthy relationships Becoming easily hurt and rejected Setting goals that are unrealistic Wanting "the best" of everything Appearing unemotional
They need someone who is as focused on them as they are on themselves. So they'd be better off with someone with really low self esteem, or just someone who is a… real giver, and wouldn't mind never getting anything in return.
Why does a narcissist flirt and chase after other women when you are always there for him and givng him top quality NS 24 hours?
The insatiable ego They are notoriously unfaithful. If he is truly an N, he has an insatiable desire for attention, affection, etc.. He is also fed by… challenge. If you are there 24 hours - the challenge is gone. He feeds off the chase. The more difficult the chase, the bigger the payoff. This is why N's are known for going after those married or virgins. They love turning a "no" into a "yes". Then they ultimately discard because they "Do not want to be a part of a club that will accept them as a member.". The woman my ex-fiance' left to be with me (found out later about her - didn't know), was 100% sold on him. She was available 24x7. He said it depressed him. He said she required no change in him or challenge for him, and that just didn't work. The problem is - there is no "win" with an N. You are damned if you do, damned if you don't - because if you want to be with them (something to seriously re-think), the best way to capture their full attention (although I am not sure it is ever "full") is to 'not' be "won". But all relationships require a relinquishing of these games IF they are to last. At some point, being "won" should be the beginning of the relationship. With the N, it is the end. He is done (in one way or another) once he has conquered. With mine (actually diagnosed) - the more commitment, attention, time and devotion I gave, the worse he treated me. It was the strangest thing, because while he DEMANDED it - he resented it. All the while calling me "the absolute love of his life" (which I believe having spoken with his family, friends) yet treating me worse as time wore on. I understand the allure - believe me. Risk and danger can be intoxicating if that is how we were programmed in childhood. The problem is - it isn't sustainable. The question for you might be - why do you want to be with a man who, no matter how much love and devotion you give him, will be unfaithful - either in mind, body, and/or emotions? Another question I had to ask myself was, "What is it within me that I am allowing myself to be treated this way?". Asking a different set of questions could lead you to different answers - those that set you free. Best wishes & an end to troubles, Always Learning Reply for Always Learning thank you so much AL. I was involved with a N and I am trying to set free. it is horrible. we are both high functioning professionals. he is married, but the usual story, he said his marriage was bad and I got sucked in. He is diagnosed NPD by a psychiatrist. (I came to know this much later from the wife) He treated me like a queen for few months, once I slept with him and he knew I cared, he was off - the devaluation set in big time. He told me that sex was just based on lust and that he was just friends with me. I was devastated. He said he would like to go out with others. he is now going thru a divorce with his wife. He drools over women and praises them to the sky. He will soon find a new source - what I meant is once he finds this new source - and she will be giving him NS 24/7, then will he remain loyal to her or will he even dump her and search for more and cheat on her. or do you think the girl will dump him once she sees his true colors. He is not young - he is 57. Will every relationship with a N finally fail or be an unhappy one. will an N be unfaithful again with the new source and dump her like he dumped me. Thank you n. Answer= My N was pretty sure I was available 24/7.... and I guess I was. During our marriage he had sex with a few regular women but kept adding lots and lots of strange women to his "stable." He didn't intend to keep them all in the corral but he kept a lot of them. The ones he let go were always dismissed with cruelty and he found it funny when they left nasty notes on his vehicle or phoned to complain of the treatment they received. At least, he laughed at them all except the one that threatened to have him arrested for rape. ::sigh:: Now.... as far as the sex.... that also had a sadistic flavor. They were required to do as he said. He liked asking them to do certain things, have intercourse and allow him to raise their legs over his shoulders for instance, which could be painful. If they didn't comply he'd lose interest and refuse to continue, sometimes getting up to leave and sometimes letting them carry on some sexual activity they didn't mind performing...... but refusing to become aroused then leaving. Really icky. He especially loved to give them orders when they'd pull the... "But I'm not that kind of girl" line on him. He'd shove them toward the bathroom and tell them to take off their clothes and get back out there. Tell them to shut up and show him how much they liked big *dick..... that sort of thing. I'll tell ya this...... women who love bad boys would adore my soon to be N. He once told me..... and I quote "I can make p*ssy lay down" like that was as important as being an astronaut or curing cancer. He's sure he deserves all this attention from women.... and he's also sure they deserve the attention he gives them. It's not in him to question that truth. It's just part of him. With that said.... he's not above SAYING he's sorry for all this. He's even chatted up getting help for sexual addiction,which in my opinion he DOES NOT have. Sometimes I think the excitement is in part due to the high stakes of carrying on this way. In our current divorce situation.... he's bending all his energy on winning me back, now that it's too late. When he had me..... it was all about devaluing me and sabotaging the relationship, with me and his children. He drove us to this end with a bullwhip and a blowtorch, is how I phrase the situation. And he agrees. NOW HEAR THIS! If they could help themselves..... THEY WOULD! They can't, so they don't. Tremusan Thank you Tremusan. Can I ask - what do you mean by - he said I can make p*ssy lay down. I am sorry - I do not understand. Also - how do you know so much of all his other women - did you talk to them. If you knew he was cheating all along, why did you stay on in the relatioship. did he devalue all these women at periodic intervals and do the push-pull with them Thank you Nancy The trail of wreckage behind the N Hello Nancy, I am so very sorry you are in this terrible situation. It can happen to anyone - no matter how intelligent, high functioning, etc.. As for your follow-up question - my first answer still applies. N's have a hard time being faithful to one person, no matter who they are with or how devoted their partner is. Although I have heard of N's whose lives are in flux in every other area but their romantic. Sam V. talks a little bit about the two kinds - one who keeps their financial/career stable where their love life is in continual upheaval or vice-versa. Regardless, the best predictor or future behavior is past behavior. People who 'do' change are those who 'fully' recognize their destructive ways, then set about fully committed to long-term therapy. 'Even those' have a very tough time changing. I researched this for myself as I made the biggest decision of my life in not marrying my fiance'. I 'wanted' to learn that he could change, but all indications - inc. his attitude told me (and everyone else), there was almost no chance. Remember this - it is NOT you. It is not because of you he couldn't be a man of integrity. Our character is a condition of our hearts. It is formed early (they say by 5 or 6 years old), it's either good or it isn't - and it is not dependent upon circumstances or people. A man at 57 years old is "fully baked" as they say. In fact, personalities, habits, behaviors, response patterns, etc., are fully, fully baked by 30-ish. Just give it a little time, watch carefully and you will likely see the pattern repeat over and over. Take care, AlwaysLearning Thank you AL. This N does not think there is anything wrong with him. he thinks he is God sent on earth and everyone is just dying to be with him. Women find him irresistible (his thinking). Forget therapy, even acknowledging the problem is out of question. so it seems similar to your fiance. He never thinks it is his fault, it is always, always the woman who is at fault. I think he cannot change. So then what happens - will the next source have the same end result - devalue and dump. He will just keep increasing the trail of wreckage behind him. (you put it very well) You said - Then they ultimately discard because they "Do not want to be a part of a club that will accept them as a member.". what did you mean by this club and member stuff. I am sorry - I did not understand. Thank you N Not wanting what they can have Hello Nancy :-), An N not thinking anything is wrong with him is part of the disorder itself. There is nothing you can do to change it. In that, there is some relief. It is beyond your control. Yes, I do believe each relationship he has will have the same end result. It's impossible 'not' to unless there are revelations on his part. We are who we are, and we take ourselves wherever we go, no matter who is in our life, etc.. Regarding the club/member comment I made. It simply means N's tend to be most motivated when they are seeking attention and approval. Once they have "won someone over" and have been accepted, they lose interest. Because they know DEEP down of their true depravity, they figure if someone is naive enough to believe them, that person isn't worth their time and attention. This is my understanding of it anyway. As harsh as that is to realize, I hope it helps to shed some light. I know you are hurting. Try to find comfort in your understanding of what is 'true', what you can control, as well as what you cannot control. Then focusing on what you can control - yourself, your life - might bring you some peace. My heart goes with you, AlwaysLearning Thank you Al. Thank you for your time and givng me very clear advice. What happened to your fiance, has he also left a trail of wreckage behind him or is he playing the field and being unfaithful and cheating on several women at the same time, giving each of them the impression that they are truly heavenly and the only one - special to him. Thank you Nancy
No,he don't know that he's a narcissistic but he know something is wrong, but don't know what the problem is. He knows,he is different and strange from other people.
Someone who worships him or her self. everything revols around you, everythign you do is for your own good and use Narcissism is the practice of displaying (among others);- gr…andiosity (superiority,) entitlement, competitiveness and envy, lack of empathy (understanding and considering others,) shallow affect (vague or superficial feelings and emotions,) Lack of insight or self-awareness (never considers that attitudes/behaviour may be unhealthy to self or others,) Poor impulse control (cannot resist urges especially destructive ones and especially when angry,) manipulative behaviour. When these behaviours go to extremes (and are displayed over a significat period of time) a medical diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) may be made. Many people may display some (or all) of these traits without having the disorder, on fact most of us display these from time to time. It is logical to say that the more of these traits displayed and the more frequently they are displayed then the more narcissitic that person may be.
No, the narcissist does not know, after all he is perfect and everyone else around him is at fault.
It's certainly possible. A narcissist may date another narcissist that is more selfish than they are to feel better about themselves. In turn say "i'm not as selfish as he/she… is so that makes me above him/her). It's incredible and shocking the way people with this disorder think. It takes a lot of research to understand a narcissist.
They would probably not like to hear it, and would most likely deny it. ANSWER: They will most likely 'gaslight', by which I mean they will tell you yo…u're crazy, or on drugs or similar, laugh at you or take mock pity on your silliness. They will say or do almost anything to discredit you, but they will never listen to you, consider your point or admit to or apologise for anything. It's almost a perfect test for narcissism. ANSWER: The above is a possibility but there's also a chance of sending the N into a rage. I don't think confronting a true N is a very good idea. Remember, anything that goes wrong in the relationship is YOUR fault and without outside help he'll never accept criticism. ANSWER: I thought this was pretty profound. It reads something like a bad joke. However, its not! I was dating someone who surely was a narcissist. On this particular occasion had dropped by my apartment unexpectedly. Catching me in the midst of researching narcissism online. After entering the first thing he did was look over my shoulder to see what I was reading on the screen. Upon reading said, "Is that about me"? Dumbfounded I responded, "If you have to ask..."
Generally no. Because their main focus is themselves, often narcissistic people won't think about how other people view them. Having this basic operation of putting ourself in… other peoples shoes is an important way to self edit and improve. Without this skill, the person would never think about themselves as narcissistic. Dr. Heidi Heron PsyD NLP Worldwide
Does anyone out there feel their Narcissist dumped them because they got too close for comfort to the Narcissist and that made the Narcissist afraid and vulnerable?
To offer a true narcissist pity and love is to paint a sign on your forehead that says PREY. Narcissists are predators, make no mistake. They are chamelions, they are masters …of creating the facade of being whatever you may need. Vulnerability is weakness to them and they will tell you whatever you need to hear to take advantage of you and fulfill their own needs. Narcissists need to cause suffering to others for a multitude of reasons. Narcissists have two types of tears, crocodile tears (fake tears) and tears for themselves. You will NEVER cure a narcissist, it's not a disease. Narcissistm is part of an individuals personality. Narcissists are vampires of anything and everything they can take from others whether it be financial, material or emotional. Any kindness, empathy or generosity they may show will be minimal and is only part of the con-job. Narcissists have spent their whole lives honeing their skill and if you catch them in a fabrication are devoid of any guilt but will agree with anything you may say. Keep in mind, to a narcissist you are nothing unless you are of some use to them. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Actually, yes. Although I didn't realize at the time that I was suffering emotional abuse from my ex, I pressed on him about getting engaged. Our relationship was very rocky, yet there was an underlying infatuating love I had for him. He used to keep me hooked by dropping hints about an engagement, he took me to see the ring..etc. As my excitement was thrillingly roused by his manipulation, he became increasingly resistant and finally "dumped me" because he couldn't make good on my fantasies about our wedding/marriage. I think my own too-eager obsession with getting married may have saved me from a horrible marriage and ruin. I like to think that he may have learned a thing or two from me about making promises you can't keep because maybe the only confidence I had in my relationship with him is knowing exactly what I want out of my future husband. It's an incredible responsibility to be in a marriage, and he couldn't bend those morals in me. After we broke up, he continued to taunt me by saying, "You know, I WAS going to marry you, but you're too CRAZY." And that's how I learned about Narcissism. Absolutely true. The lengths that an N will go to are inconceivable and disgusting...in Canada it's Holt Renfrew (whatever). There is no sense in nonsense... No, unfortunetly I think you still are trying to find something to hold onto to make sense of it. A wounded soul always fits. That way they don't have accountability. They leave because we no longer supply them with what they need. Much like if it ain't at Macy's, go to Nordstom's. N's like the path of least resistance much like all creatures and stay by their life source until the well runs dry and then move on. There is no emotional attachment to the place WHERE the water is, just the water. I know how devistating narcissistNo, unfortunetly I think you still are trying to find something to hold onto to make sense of it. A wounded soul always fits. That way they don't have accountability. They leave because we no longer supply them with what they need. Much like if it ain't at Macy's, go to Nordstom's. N's like the path of least resistance much like all creatures and stay by their life source until the well runs dry and then move on. There is no emotional attachment to the place WHERE the water is, just the water. Oversimplified and doesn't lessen the pain, but reminds one of where they really stand with a N. narcissistIts no fun to be a narcissist. You hurt people, but u think u do this for them. Only afterwards do you realise your harm... well for me at least. Maybe i am no narcissist, I do not have very strong regrets but I can understand the person that i hurt because i was in the same situation... only not so bad. When we parted, I stayed during a week torn, with the phone in hand, wanting to call her again. Then I cried... I do have emotions... Maybe I'm not a typical narcissist, but I surely have some components. I wanted to tell her to come back, I wanted to have someone to count on, but I was afraid. It is not fun to spend your life with no other significant other then your half-psychotic self... and to be too absorbed in your cosmic struggle to have some little fun... Hopefully I can change now that I know a bit more about myself... maybe if i aim towards different goals and give up the temptation of manipulative love... then I can be "normal"... I'll try that.
A narcissist (from character in the Greek mythology, Narcissus) is someone who seeks pleasure only for themselves.
You're a hater, right? WHY WOULD SHE DO SUCH A DUMB THING?!
Can anyone recommend a quality gunite pool installer serving central New Jersey and is there anyone you would not recommend based on your experience?
Has anyone known a person with narcissistic personality disorder who actually improved after the death of a parent?
\nThe N in my life became an absolute nightmare after the death of his mother. And, of course, we were all crazy, not him!\n Answer \n. \n. \nThe N that I know did not i…mprove after the death of her father.\n. \n Answer \n. \n. \nI have a sister who fits this picture of a narcissist exactly !!!! Before our parents died, she was a great sister always gave me nice things for birthdays or Christmas (albeit she got them at garage sales !) And she actually showed up near the times of my birthday or Christmas. After our parents died, the picture changed; she wouldn't come when I called her to invite her to my birthday party or she made up excuses why she couldn't come for Christmas when my in-laws called to invite her to our family gatherings. I thought that was very nice that they did invite her to our gatherings when they didn't have to. But, she always said no because she was getting together with a friend or her boyfriends family. My mother-in-law was very hurt by this, and it took her awhile to get over it. But, my sister showed no remorse over her refusal to come !!! We believe in the spirit of a true narcissist, that she was envious of me having another family when she didn't anymore. On the one occaision when she did join my in-laws and me and my husband for a Thanksgiving outing, she got mad with my father-in-law over paying the check, she fetl they should have paid more and her less !!!!! After this, she didn't want to see my father-in-law anymore. But, get this, she showed up for his Memorial service when he died !!!!!!!!!!\nOf course, she said she was there to support me, but later I don't really believe that !