How to Relieve Stress

business woman having stress in the office

What is Stress?

Stress is something that every person on the planet will need to face at one point in time or another. Just like eating, drinking, and breathing, stress is a part of life that has its roots at the very basis of biological evolution. Stress caused by fear of attack from vicious predators caused our ancient ancestors fight-or-flight responses to kick in, ensuring humanity's survival in later generations. In a world where threat of being devoured by a saber tooth tiger has been replaced by a scolding and demotion at a board meeting by the company CEO, stress takes on a new role and purpose. Although stress is a normal facet of society, overwhelming amounts of stress may lead to depression, anxiety, or even physiological illnesses.

Identifying Stress

Prior to being able to overcome stress, one first has to be able to identify that they are experiencing stress. Stress may not always come when expected. Experiencing the death of a loved one or the rapidly approaching deadline for a project at work are two common and well known sources of stress. Stress can occur when any change in your life happens, whether it is positive or negative it can still induce stress. A young couple moving in with on another may become stressed as they are packing up items from one home to move into another, or a new employee may experience stress as they transition into their place in a new job. Although both of these scenarios are overall positive issues, the change that they represent still may induce stress, anxiety and even depression for the person(s) involved.

The feeling of fight or flight, thoughts of running away from or aggression towards something or someone, is often a direct indicator of something causing you stress. For example, a person in a failing marriage may feel the need to flee from (flight) the constant fights, name calling and insults by outright leaving or having an extramarital affair. Another couple in a similar difficult marriage may decide to stick together for various reasons and fight it out, sometimes to their detriment due to both sides succumbing to the ill-effects of stress. The first key to identifying stress comes from honest self-reflection. This reflection alone may be stress inducing, but is a vital part to overcoming stress in one's life.

Try to break down the reasons that you are stressed. "

I am unhappy in my marriage" may likely be broken down into statements such as "I don't think that my wife loves me anymore," "I need to feel trusted," or "I don't think that I'm attractive to my husband anymore." These issues are less broad and easier to work on one by one.

Think That vs. Feel Like

A common misconception that people make is the confusion between "think that" and "feel like" statements. Stress is a feeling that many times stems from a thought. While feelings can't be changed, thoughts can. Feelings can include: love, hate, anger, hurt, elation, excitement, sick, bitter, uncomfortable, enchanted, wanted, lustful, respected, and happy just to name a few. Cognitive-Behavioral therapists firmly believe that there is a divide between thoughts and feelings that causes individuals to experience greater stress. It is important to remember the difference between "feel like" and "think that" when writing down issues that area causing stress in your life. For example "I feel like my wife doesn't love me" is a much different statement from "I think that my wife doesn't love me" or simply "I feel unloved by my wife." Feelings are raw and powerful and can often only be comforted by other feelings such as love and admiration. To state that you "feel unloved" by your wife would then elicit the question, "how can your wife show that she loves you?"Stating that you "think that" your wife doesn't love can also yield some positive queries as you then begin to outline why you think that she does not love you.

Consider carrying a small notebook with you and take notes when you begin to feel stressed. What is happening around you? How does your body feel? Are you tense anywhere? Write down what you think and feel at that moment for later reflection.

Managing Stress

Stress can manage itself in both physical and mental ways, as such it can also be managed through physical and mental means. Thirty-minutes of exercise a day will do wonders for your mental health in addition to the physical health. The self-esteem boost from your newly toned body may also aid in feelings of inadequacy or thoughts that you no longer interest your partner. Daily meditation, whether it be through prayer, sitting silent in a room with calming music, or taking an active role in yoga while focusing in only on your breathing can also elevate stress from the body. During meditation, reflect back to some of the notes you've taken earlier. Statements such as "I think that my wife doesn't find me attractive anymore" can be given a positive twist by rephrasing into "I am a beautiful person and am working hard to improve my physical and mental health."

Final Thoughts

Stress is a part of everyone's life, though it does not have to control your life. The strategies and techniques mentioned in this article are just the tip of the iceberg to managing your own stress. If you have come to a point where you feel the stress in your life has become too much to bear, please consider seeking professional help from a local counselor or psychologist. Many offer variable fee schedules and will often offer the first session pro-bono. Sometimes the best source of stress relief is a common ally ready to let you talk about your day.

A change in your life does not have to be negative to induce stress