Well, unfortunately I think I apply to this question. Although I really feel like when I complain, I do it with incredulousness, not complaint...because I don't thoroughly understand how someone can so purely lack empathy. And also because he is so convincing and I am so easily manuevered right back t him. And yes, I AM going to counseling...as of this time, my counselor has not made a diagnosis, but I am quite sure that my relationships in early childhood and teen years has something to do with the reason why I haven't up and completely left my N behind. I'll soon find out tho! Next session is tomorrow...every week for 1 hr. It's great, and it is a great comfort. mbme Life just isn't that easy (not pertaining to the above poster). We meet a special person in our lives and fall in love. Narcissists are a foxy lot, highly intelligent and manipulative. They "people watch" and usually pick people (sometimes without realizing it) that they know they have control over. Usually the victim is intelligent, kind, believes in honesty and integrity and of course love. "Love is blind" is so true. People caught up with a Narcissist remember the good times they had together and living with that person can cause frustrations and not enough head space to find out what they want in their lives. We all talk to a girlfriend or a guy friend about our frustrations that may occur with our mate. A person living with a Narcissist (or any difficult person) is no different. We all have to admit that in most cases it's hard to leave a mate and go out into the world. No one wants to be alone. I don't feel a person that is with a Narcissist has a disorder, but needs the counseling and time to realize their own strengths and when they do, they'll leave that Narcissist like the speed of light. Thank you, Marcy, for such an great post...this is all so true. Right now I am pursuing my needs and goals, and it has made such a difference. And I am doing what I think is right, regardless of the N's approval or not. It is giving me lots more inner peace and grace, and it is making me thankful in the realization that I do not have to give in to this maladjusted behavior, both his and mine! I truly feel for those who are just starting out unaware in this situation, and are being guided by their strong love and attachment. Love sure is blind, until you feel the first needle sticks of doubt, then one must question and certainly seek another person to talk to...it was so strange that everyone but me thought he was odd. They still do and so do I, but I still have this strange attachment, and I can't really "go off" on him in anger...I just keep plodding along, making my suggestions and trying to calm him, hoping he'll see the light or at least a glimmer. The more I stay in detachment, the more I don't want to go back. Peace and Love, mbme