It's jammed. Been there. That is an icky job, but usually fairly simple.

1. Get a bucket big enough to hold the disposal itself and place it under the disposal.

2. REMOVE THE POWER CORD OF THE DISPOSAL FROM THE WALL!!! There, I just saved your life.

3. Turn off the water under the sink.

4. Loosen the drain trap pipe (that's the loopy pipe that keeps bugs from crawling up through your drain) at both ends.

5. Remove the trap pipe.

6. Call me up and thank me for reminding you about the bucket, then ask why I didn't remind you to use kitchen gloves.

7. Disconnect the dishwasher drain line from the disposal.

8. While you are waiting for every bit of nasty goo to drip into the bucket from the pipes, take this opportunity to take the trap out side and clean it out. Isn't this fun?

9. Empty the bucket into the toilet -- NOT THE SINK! I know that sounds like a stupid thing to have to tell someone, but I've done it twice. Put the bucket back under the disposal.

10. The disposal is now held only by the ring which connects the top of the unit to the drain hole of the sink. It will more than likely be held with screws. Search madly about for a screwdriver. Ask your kids. Oh wait, there it is.

11. Hold the bottom of the disposal firmly while you unscrew the unit from the sink. Let the screws fall into your bucket which is now free of yicky liquid.

12. Some disposal units are further held in place with the ring itself. Try twisting the unit until it comes free and drop the unit into the bucket.

13. This is best done in the yard or garage near an electrical outlet: Take the bucket with disposal out and begin the fun part. Bring your screwdriver and an old butter knife that you won't mind ruining.

14. *** BEFORE YOU CONTINUE *** REMEMBER THAT THIS DEVICE WILL TURN ON AS SOON AS YOU PLUG IT IN!!!

15. There is a cone shaped hood (as part of the casing) on the top of the disposal. Remove it if possible. Some units won't have a separate hood.

16. The grinding mechanism is a big wheel that takes up the whole diameter of the inner casing with nasty rotating finger-grinding bits attached to the top. The problem is most likely a piece of glass or mangled cutlery stuck between the outer casing and the main puppy-grinding wheel.

17. Dig out the offending matter with the butter knife. Have a list of swear words handy and refer to it as necessary.

18. It may be necessary to remove the wheel if the carnage is particularly hideous. Jam the butter knife between the casing and wheel to keep it from spinning and remove the center nut. The wheel should pull straight up and out after the nut is removed.

19. Remove the nasty bits and replace the wheel and center nut. If you're feeling frisky, clean out the side drain hole while you're there. It will improve drainage.

20. BEFORE YOU PLUG IT IN, BE PREPARED TO IMMEDIATELY UNPLUG IT. Put the unit into the bucket wheel-side-up and plug it in. If the wheel spins then you're all done. If not, then it is beyond the area of my expertise and will more than likely be more cost effective to buy a new disposal.

21. To put it back together, just do the above steps in reverse.

22. Remember: Don't forget the dishwasher line, and MAKE SURE THE SWITCH ON THE WALL IS OFF.

23. Bask in the glory of your working appliance.

Tips: When you run the disposal, use cold water. Don't dispose of celery, rhubarb, or any other stringy vegetables in the disposal. Strings are not your disposal's friends. Nor are bones. To keep your disposal smaelling nice, throw in a few rinds from citrus fruit, especially limes, and grind 'em up with cold water.

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