engagement

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William-Adolphe Bouguereau
The Proposal

An engagement is a promise to marriage, and also the period of time between proposal and marriage – which may be lengthy or trivial. During this period, a couple is said to be affianced, betrothed, engaged to be married, or simply engaged. Future brides and bridegrooms are often referred to as fiancées (brides) or fiancés (grooms).

Long engagements were once common in formal arrangements of marriage and it was not uncommon for parents betrothing children to arrange such many years before the engaged couple were old enough to marry.

The engagement period

The concept of an engagement period may have begun in 1215 at the Fourth Lateran Council, headed by Pope Innocent III, which decreed that "marriages are to be ... announced publicly in the churches by the priests during a suitable and fixed time, so that if legitimate impediments exist, they may be made known."^[1][2] Such a formal church announcement of the intent to marry is known as banns. In some jurisdictions, reading the banns may be part of one type of legal marriage.

Engagement rituals vary widely by culture. In the Western provinces of India, a gosling is the traditional betrothal gift. In twelfth century China, the woman was expected to produce a suitable gift for the man within one week of the proposal, or the wedding could be invalidated. In the late nineteenth century, Cajun betrothals were initiated when the man placed a small piece of ice on the foot of his beloved.

The modern Western form of the practice of giving or exchanging engagement rings is traditionally thought to have begun in 1477 when Maximilian I, Holy Roman Emperor, gave Mary of Burgundy a diamond ring as an engagement present.^[3][4]

Engagement rings

A woman displays her engagement ring.

Customs for engagement rings vary according to time, place, and culture. An engagement ring has historically been uncommon, and when such a gift was given, it was separate from the wedding ring. Romantic rings from the time of the Roman Empire and from as far back as 4 AD often resemble the Celtic Claddagh symbol (two hands clasping a heart) and so it is thought that this was used as some symbol of love and commitment between two people.

In the United States, United Kingdom, Ireland, Canada, Australia, and many other countries, an engagement ring is worn on the fourth finger of the left hand. This tradition is thought to be from the Romans, who believed this finger to be the beginning of the vena amoris ("vein of love"), the vein that leads to the heart. The custom in Continental Europe and other countries is to wear it on the right hand.

In other countries from South America, like in Argentina, man and woman use each one ring, and these are generally very similar to the wedding rings, with the difference that they are made of silver instead of gold. In Norway, both men and women wear an engagement ring. In Brazil they are always made of gold, and there is no tradition for the engagement ring. Both men and women wear the wedding band on their right hand while engaged, and after they marry, they shift the rings to their left hands.

In the modern era, some women's wedding rings are made into two separate pieces. One part is given to her to wear as an engagement ring when she accepts the marriage proposal, and the other during the wedding ceremony. When worn together, the two rings look like one piece of jewelery.

Engagement parties

Some engagements are announced at an engagement party, traditionally hosted by the bride's parents. These parties are given in the family's usual style of entertainment. Traditionally, engagement parties were normal parties at which a surprise announcement of the engagement was made by the father of the bride to his guests. Therefore, it is not a traditional gift-giving occasion, as none of the guests were supposed to be aware of the engagement until after their arrival.

In modern times, engagement parties often celebrate a previously publicized engagement. Whether presents are given at these engagement parties varies from culture to culture.

Many couples do not have an engagement party, and instead use other ways to inform their friends of the upcoming nuptials.

Related terms

Fiancé(e)

A man who is engaged to be married is called his partner's fiancé; a woman similarly engaged is called her partner's fiancée. These words are pronounced identically in English; the separate feminine form exists because of the inflectional morphology of grammatical gender in French, where the term originated.

Proposal

Classic "one-knee" proposal, ca. 1815

The classic proposal position is 'down on one knee,' shown in the picture to the right. Engagement is most often initiated by a proposal of marriage, or simply a proposal. The proposal often has a ritual quality, involving the presentation of the engagement ring and a formalized asking of a question such as "Will you marry me?" or "Will you be my wife?"

Betrothal

Engagement is similar to betrothal, and the two terms are sometimes used interchangeably. However, betrothal often refers to agreements involving not only the couple but their families; the concept sometimes has a connotation of an arranged marriage. Furthermore, betrothals can be broken, but often have binding legal implications lacking in engagements.

Breach of promise

In some jurisdictions, until the 20th century, it was possible for a woman (but almost never a man), to sue if an engagement was broken, based on denial of the chance to "establish herself" and possible damage to her reputation.

Notes