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Fag stag (also stag hag) is a term which originated in the United States in the 1990s.[1][2] A fag stag is a heterosexual man who either enjoys the company of, or simply has numerous friends that are gay men.[1][3] The term fag stag is a male equivalent to the more common fag hag,[4] a term which is part of hag-ism, the identification of a person with a group—usually united in terms of sexuality, gender identity, or shared sex—of which he or she is not officially a member.[5] The term can be used as a pejorative or as a term of endearment within LGBT communities.[6][7][8]
Contents |
Motivations
A fag stag may be attracted to or comfortable around gay men. They may seek friendship as well as benefits from perceived perks from befriending gay men.[9][10] Fag stags can benefit socially from many of the perceived stereotypes of gay men.[3] For instance, fashion advice, socializing skills, matchmaking, differing perspectives, heightened humor and freedom from heterosexual expectations:[3][4][11][12] "[S]eeing who is tougher, stronger, who has the cooler car, and putting you down even though they say they are joking, but the gay guys I've met don't care about being 'manly' all the time".[13][14] Fag stags may also gain access to women, many who may also identify as fag hags, and more socially liberal attitudes.[3][13] Another possible motivation is that the fag stag will not find these relationship threatening as the stag would pursue women whereas generally the gay men would not.[4][12][15] Fag stags may also simply enjoy the attention they get from being in gay environments like gay bars, clubs or beaches.[13]
Gay men can also benefit from the relationship with a fag stag as writer Alan Bennett Ilagan points out, "...rites of passage for so many straight guys would be missing from my life if I had chosen to limit myself to the girls I felt safe and comfortable around."[11] He also notes there is less drama in a straight man's world and the use of "lengthy emotional discussions" is often replaced with shorthand expressions - "something every gay could stand to learn".[11][12] Another benefit for gay guys is a fag stag's sense of style which can help the gay guy increase their "manliness".[12] Some self-identified fag-stags, however, counter that these are stereotypes and straight guys can be into gossip just as much, for example, and that gay guys don't necessarily dress better.[8] Regardless all involved within these nontraditional pairings can find liberation from stereotypes and poke fun at many un-politically correct taboos of the "gay-straight divide".[12] There is also the emergence of metrosexual culture which also supports that straight guys can exhibit the same stereotypes of gay men. Another possible benefit is that LGBT people, possibly because of cultural bias or perceived rejection in their upbringing, "are much better than straight people at carving a family out of their friendships".[8][14]
Coming out
Another motivation for some fag stags is that they are still in the process of coming out or coming to terms with their non-heterosexuality with some simply being bi-curious.[13] Being a fag stag, the "straight" guy in a relationship, can be a form of dealing with closetedness using gay guys as a beard.[13]
Usage
The phrase is beginning to be used more often as homosexuality becomes more readily accepted and the phrase has gained international use as well.[15][16] Mainstream shows such as Queer Eye For the Straight Guy, Queer as Folk, Will & Grace and others explore the mainstreaming of friendships where differing sexualities play a complement rather than impediment to friendships and social situations.[4][12][13] As well, homophobia is no longer considered as acceptable and efforts to confront violence and hostility towards sexual and gender minorities such as gay-straight alliance has lifted some of the stigma of having LGBT people as close friends.[4][12] "Fag Stag" was the name of a 2002 episode of the MTV series Undressed centered around a gay wedding.[17][18] When Radar magazine debuted, its founder and editor-in-chief, Maer Roshan, called competitor Details' editor-in-chief Dan Peres, a "professional fag stag",[19] stating, "Let's get one thing straight, Peres is not gay. But his magazine sure seems to be."[19] A fag stag can also mean a male gay icon—a celebrity that is loved by the gay community who have "gay buddies" such as Ben Affleck, Eric McCormack, Justin Timberlake, Colin Farrell, Matthew Broderick, and Robbie Williams.[4][13][19]
See also
References
- Flynn, Paul: "Does Your Gay Friend Fancy You?" Arena (September 2007): 128-131.
- ^ a b Green, Jonathon (2006). Cassell's Dictionary of Slang: A Major New Edition of the Market-leading Dictionary of Slang. Sterling Publishing Company, Inc.. p. 485. ISBN 0304366366. http://books.google.com/books?id=5GpLcC4a5fAC. Retrieved 2008-07-23.
- ^ Reuter, Donald F. (2006). Gay-2-zee: A Dictionary of Sex, Subtext, and the Sublime. Macmillan. p. 198. ISBN 0312354274. http://books.google.com/books?id=7FpPbfVRm3MC. Retrieved 2008-07-23.
- ^ a b c d Peckham, Aaron (2007). Mo' Urban Dictionary: Ridonkulous Street Slang Defined. Andrews McMeel Publishing. p. 100. ISBN 0740768751. http://books.google.com/books?id=u27ferHysRMC. Retrieved 2008-07-23.
- ^ a b c d e f "The Single Guy", Jorge (29 June 2006). "Single in the City: Fag Stag". Generation Q Media. http://www.generationq.net/articles/Single-in-the-City-Fag-Stag-00001.html. Retrieved 2008-07-23.
- ^ Baker, Paul (2004). Fantabulosa: A Dictionary of Polari and Gay Slang. Continuum International Publishing Group. p. 140. ISBN 0826473431. http://books.google.com/books?id=T72TJfZoywAC. Retrieved 2008-07-23.
- ^ Self, Will (2004). Dorian: An Imitation. Grove Press. p. 85. ISBN 0826473431. http://books.google.com/books?id=nVH4uB_oy54C. Retrieved 2008-07-23.
- ^ Adams, Kylie (2005). Ex-girlfriends. Kensington Books. p. 204. ISBN 0758210736. http://books.google.com/books?id=Damk_X3FB4UC. Retrieved 2008-07-23.
- ^ a b c Ordona, Robert (2008). "State of Gay Unions: The "Fag Stag"". Planet Out Inc. http://www.gay.com/news/roundups/package.html?sernum=6315. Retrieved 2008-07-23.
- ^ Reuter, Donald F. (2006). Gay-2-zee: A Dictionary of Sex, Subtext, and the Sublime. Macmillan. p. 69. ISBN 0312354274. http://books.google.com/books?id=7FpPbfVRm3MC. Retrieved 2008-07-23.
- ^ Baker, Paul (2004). Fantabulosa: A Dictionary of Polari and Gay Slang. Continuum International Publishing Group. p. 118. ISBN 0826473431. http://books.google.com/books?id=T72TJfZoywAC. Retrieved 2008-07-23.
- ^ a b c Ilagan, Alan Bennett (2008). "The Fag-Stag". AlanIlagan.com. http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache:SNufISYtcGMJ:www.alanilagan.com/pdf/fagstag.pdf+%22fag+stag%22+-wikipedia&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=27&gl=us. Retrieved 2008-07-23.
- ^ a b c d e f g Sohn, Amy (13 October 2003). "Mano a Mano: Much has been made about how a "Queer Eye" can benefit a straight guy. But there is no shortage of gay men who would welcome a little straightening out.". New York Magazine. http://nymag.com/nymetro/nightlife/sex/columns/nakedcity/n_9344/. Retrieved 2008-07-24.
- ^ a b c d e f g Heinrich, Karen (22 May 2003). "The Great Gender Bender: Heterosexual men no longer feel the need to keep their gay friends in the closet.". The Age. http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2003/05/22/1053196672068.html. Retrieved 2008-07-24.
- ^ a b Doonan, Simon (4 June 2007). "Toodle-oo, Dear Old Dad: A manly Mr. Fix-It who would tear up at Maria Callas, Terence Sydney Doonan was the ultimate anti-bourgeois parent". The New York Observer. http://www.observer.com/2007/toodle-oo-dear-old-dad. Retrieved 2008-07-24.
- ^ a b Cohen, Mo (2006). "Deconstructing Fag Hags". Rearguard Monthly Alternative. http://www.therearguard.pdx.edu/RG2006_11article_fagHags.html. Retrieved 2008-07-23.
- ^ David, Marianne (3 June 2007). "Beyond the Flamboyant Façade, The Flip Side". The Nation. http://www.nation.lk/2007/06/03/eyefea6.htm. Retrieved 2008-07-24.
- ^ ""Undressed": Girls Interrupted (2002)". IMDb.com, Inc.. 2008. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0948385/. Retrieved 2008-07-23.
- ^ "Plot summary for "Undressed"". IMDb.com, Inc.. 2008. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0948385/plotsummary. Retrieved 2008-07-23.
- ^ a b c Romenesko, Jim (11 April 2003). "Radar's Roshan says Details is an awfully gay magazine". New York Post. http://www.poynter.org/column.asp?id=45&aid=29576&. Retrieved 2008-07-24.
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