Answered
How to recognize a narcissist?
Answer A Witches Brew According to Sam Vaknin, "Narcissists are an elusive breed, hard to spot, harder to pinpoint, impossible to capture. Even an experienced men…tal health diagnostician with unmitigated access to the record and to the person examined would find it fiendishly difficult to determine with any degree of certainty whether someone suffers from an impairment, i.e., a mental health disorder - or merely possesses narcissistic traits, a narcissistic personality structure ('character'), or a narcissistic 'overlay' superimposed on another mental health problem." I wanted to share my story with those of you out there who much like me went into a relationship with a woman who persuaded me beyond the shadow of a doubt that our paths not only meant to cross but it was Gods intent that it come to fruition. I loved her with all of my heart and never thought for a moment that my life would enter Satan's den. First and foremost she was the biggest liar I've ever encountered. She could look right into my eyes, swear on a stack of bibles and once had gone as far as swearing on her children's life and tell you the biggest lie you've ever heard. She would say that she wasn't going to do something, while plotting to do just what she said she wouldn't do. Out of touch with her feelings she would talk just to hear herself talk - while not believing anything she was trying to convince me of. It became obvious very soon: an over-inflated ego. Astonishing lies exaggerated emotions. Would lie about other people's health telling me they had cancer or worth someone had died and needed to be near them or with them then never mention of it ever again. The old adage "if it's too good to be true then it usually is" applies directly to narcissists. When I first met her she engaged me directly with her eyes, then they would move away from me. She would make me feel unique that was because she had such a grandiose sense of herself worth then her attentions on me also reflected my worth. She initially flattered me in a way that was embarrassing. e.g, "She would constantly call me the Perfect Man" I would immediately retort that "I wasn't" since I could not live up to those grandiose expectations. A narcissist projects an air of her own self importance. Her facade was well cultivated. The very second you construe a behavior that is immoral in anyway and she used it as an excuse to justify her behavior that is in itself immoral I didn't know it at the time I was in the presence of a narcissist. How did I learn to recognize that she was a narcissist? I did a lot of research because everything that was happening was like, watching a train wreck in slow motion unable to stop it, un-willing more like it. I started looking at her family mostly her children she always said to me that her ex's called her a bad mother now I know why. Her family is a springboard of verbal and emotional abuse. She treats herself to everything, but her family had financial restrictions. She ran out on her children to be with "her" man, she rarely participated in caretaking or nurturing of her kids. Example last Christmas her ex husband (divorced 20 years) put a little get together so she could re-unite with her children, of course she told me she didn't want to go because her husband was still in love with her all, of her ex's are still madly in Love with her, but she still found a way to get there 3 hours late and was hurt by the fact that her children had left without seeing her. I asked her why she was so late since she had left in plenty of time to make it there. Her response was that she had to stop and visit friends on the way down. But she still condemned, criticized and complained that "they" her children were ungrateful! And hurt her feelings by not waiting for her . The only great ideas are hers, and the only valid purchases are those she justifies. She brags about how smart, healthy, talented and unique she is, but fails to appreciate everyone around her. She even puts her children and close friends down to elevate her own ego, and truly fails to appreciate what she so boldly steps on everyone that represents a challenge or possible conflicts. There is no empathy, only exaggerated self emotion, self importance and self concern. You will have no peace living with a NPD, but removing her from your family's lives is no easier with this knowledge. Before you know it, you are entwined and smothered in her oppression, gasping for air for you and your family. I think a Narcissist is like toxic waste, there is no way to remain healthy while one is in your life. She, at first glance, was a friendly, real person. This is the narcissist's bait. The person lures people in, only to control them, in any shape or form. You will not recognize this, but as time progresses, you will feel guilty. The most important thing to recognize is that you need to live your own life and not be controlled by a narcissist. They steal your relationships with people, she thought everyone of my friends were beneath me and haunted my feelings. They are a very special, wicked breed of people these N's, who get away with what they do. My advice: be careful with whom you meet; don't be misled. They will relate to the problems in your life, claiming that something very similar has happened to them. They make it sound like they and they alone truly understand and relate to you. They get you to share very personal things and make you feel like you've found someone who has been through what you have been through. And it's very comforting. It was difficult at first since she charmed me. Some possibilities: It was all manipulation and control ... She admitted she had no significant number of long-term relationships ... Their eyes have no soul, many of my friends who met her told me that they felt her eyes were vacant. She talked but only to hear herself dominate conversations ... They try to give people their opinions ... She would never let me finish a thought She wanted constant attention ... She was cheap ... Never bought me anything lunch, little gifts, cards, never made dinner. When it came to the intimacy it was always about her…give me back rubs take care of me make sure I'm satisfied it was always about her. She always has subtle ways of cutting down other people (malignant narcissist). I begin to see the ease in her ability to brainwash people including me. Here are some of them I noticed, but I'm sure there are plenty more tricks she used. Everything she said was an exaggeration, deception or lie. Everyone word out of her mouth was 1) self praise or, 2) cut someone or some group down. By the time she was done with done talking about someone I was left with a negative impression of them, but she never came right out and said anything directly. Train yourself to become aware as soon as you think something negative about someone. You didn't really think it up yourself. It was planted. So be on the lookout for sudden bad lighting on someone. She is a true narcissist a full time liar. She appeared to be something they she was not. She seemed educated, confidant, charming, and social. She was a master manipulator and total control freak and proud of it. She had no emotions and void of empathy. She felt for no one but herself. A bottomless pit never satisfied. She was incapable of giving and receiving true love. She felt she was better than everyone else, always right and never wrong, and her way is always the best way to do anything. She loved attention. Always thinking only of her, but made me think she was thinking of my best interests of course if I did it her way and for her in the end. Her time is precious to her and you do not deserve any of her time unless it is to her benefit. I only existed solely to please her. To her, I was less than human, I was not worthy of her mere presence. After we had spent a few months together she "never" complimented me on anything but would rather criticize everything I did unless I consulted with her first. The only time she would give me attention is when she thought another woman was noticing me, then she would be all over me, ownership that's all that was. Constantly talking and praising of her while putting others down. She always has the better way of doing things, has eaten a better meal than you a serving her, knows more about any topic than you do, and when she is unfamiliar with the topic insists on immediately changing the topic. She always wanted to drive my car, once she did her car was better than mine, of course it really wasn't her car the ex was leasing it for her. What still amazes me is her ability to lie, lies easily, and with such ease that it is difficult to detect, since it is so common. Always wants more from you; you could never give enough. When people call her a "princess" she thinks it is a compliment. Competes with people on every dimension; if you are sick, you should feel sorry for HER since she feels bad that you are sick. Never goes out of her way for anyone, even a dying "best" friend. My uncle was dying in Europe I had to go," but what would she do!?" while I was gone she needed me more than he. Thinks she is entitled to everything in the world; does not expect to earn anything she had no job, no money, didn't intend to get one. You can tell when she is on the phone with anyone, since the other party is limited to saying "uh huh" or the like. She never asks people about their interests, and doesn't care what they do. Her children's accomplishments are only valuable to the extent she can boast about them to other people. She dominates (or tries to) any social gathering. She has no intimate knowledge of another human being. She sees herself as extremely talented and extraordinarily bright, more than most of the world. She expects gain with no effort. She has no empathy with or for other people. Unfortunately I didn't detect anything until she had made sure I was hooked. But I can list the most obvious traits I had in my nightmarish experience. 1. Will lie blatantly whilst looking you directly in the eyes. 2. Will lie about who they are, what they do, and even what they had for break if they feel like it. 3. It's all about them and their problems and their needs all the time, if you try to tell them about you....a look of disinterest will appear on their faces...and they lead it back to them. 4. Your emotions and feelings and needs mean nothing...you are only there for their needs...end of story. 5. Their moods and emotions are extreme...and one night they can be crying and sobbing and (sucking you dry for support) and the next day they haven't a worry in the world. 6. They will push and push for what they want until you succumb to their wishes or needs regardless of how you feel about it. 7. They have to be with people and are terrified of their parents dying and leaving them (if of course the parents are supplying something they need). 8. They are never at fault, and even if they say it once or twice that they are...its only words to make them seem more human. 9. When they find other better fresher supplies of attention...you will become non-existent, until they may need you again one day when they may just rear their heads again and try and suck you back in. 10. They will be nice as pie to your face and turn around and tell the next person they see and say you are nothing to them. 11. They are master manipulators and use any information they have on you to control you and get them what they want. 12. Their emotions are shallow and have no meaning and everyone in their lives are nothing but a source of attention. 13. They say things that are so out there that you think they have gone to another planet. This witches brew is made of a huge ego and tiny consciences. It's not they're actively trying to hurt people; they just never consider other people at all, unless they want something. http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/howto.html (MORE)
