Case Study:

I work a night shift, the brides works 9-5 in an office. Obviously I was over-the-moon at the prospect of being a bridesmaid, as the previous two attempts ( the first was my sisters, where my sister physically pushed me away from her so that was a really bad time, and the second was my BF's sister, who rejected me).

Both my BF's sister and the 3rd bride have both rejected me because I do night shift and am not always able to make it to things. I have seriously tried to make an effort with this one, making it to dress shopping and florist arranging, but then I was sent thing via facebook from the bride....

"(MY NAME), I struggled whether or not to send you this email. But I have some words which need to be said and at least this way, I've had time to think about them.

You probably have no idea how frustrated and disappointed I have been with your behaviour over the last few months.

To start off, you were the first one that I told my engagement news and yet you chose not to attend the engagement party for a fairly poor excuse (unless you have some other reason apart from tiredness). I mean, how many times does a person get engaged in a life-time? You didn't think the occasion warranted even a brief appearance? Furthermore, you are supposed to be a member of the bridal party!

I have been so careful not to involve you in the wedding preparations out of consideration because you have an entirely different schedule. But the dress shopping could not have been avoided and the only reason I asked about flowers is that you mentioned on several occasions that Jacqui would be able to help. I must admit that I was not at all happy about the meeting with her. For one, we had to wait for nearly 45 minutes for her to be available and then the discussion was frequently interrupted by the customers. I'm not unreasonable, I understand that she has a business to run and that's why I moved out of the way every time a customer came in. But what I don't understand is why she didn't ask us to go in later in the evening or another time/day, when she will be free to discuss without interruptions. There were also many limitations to her service, i.e. no delivery, no vase hire. To top this, she never contacted me about the quote! I know it could be that she was too busy or that she simply forgot, but the fact that I'm your friend shouldn't mean she can do away with the most basic customer service. What made me even more frustrated was your facebook message that you were not offended that I chose another florist, and that Jacqui would appreciate not having to do such a big task. What right did you have to feel offended in the first place? I never indicated that I would rely on her to provide the flowers. It was a simple business transaction, if I liked her quote, I would give her my business. Conversely, she never bothered to give me a quote, so I went else where.

Finally, I feel rather insulted and to an extent, like I've been played, with respect to your proposed-then-cancelled-at-the-last-minute visits. Perhaps you don't realise but on both occasions, we made a special effort to hurry home. It's not like as if we had nothing planned and were home anyway. On both occasions, we actually had to give up things so that we would be home in time, only to discover that you sent a message (in tonight's case, only 30 minutes before hand) to say that you are not coming. If I can't rely on you to show up for a simple thing like picking up a dress, how can I rely on you on my wedding day? I wish I could say that I'm sorry about this, but I've reached the end of the rope. You don't need to concern yourself with bride's maid duties any more. You are still invited to the wedding, but do RSVP if you intend to attend. "

Was the bride being a harsh, stubborn cow; or am I selfish for doing night shift. I have apologised for every time I wasn't able to make it. Should the bride be a little more understanding? And furthermore, should I still go to the wedding? I am quite upset over this, and I've really wanted to have a good time and finally have the chance to enjoy being a bridesmaid.

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