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From TED talks to TV talk shows to Twitter, there are hundreds of resources these days advocating positive thinking and the psychology of happiness. And there's scientific evidence to back up the efficacy of positivity, from neuroscience studies of the brain to controlled experiments in disease management, overall life assessment, and healthy outcomes.

The thing is, you can't *force* yourself to be positive, and although the "fake it til you make it" philosophy has some validity (apparently smiling even a fake smile can change your brain's chemistry, just because it tweaks the part of your brain that associates movement of those muscles with happiness), it isn't exactly a viable long term solution.

So how do you become more sustainably positiveespecially when you're sure that your life actually sucks?

* Feel what you really feel. You've probably heard the saying "what we resist, persists." So if you are spending a lot of energy pretending you aren't feeling depressed or sad or angry or frustrated, you are actually feeding those negative emotions. Imagine someone pushing their hand against yours: if you push back, they push harder. If you "give in" and allow, they stumble forward, their momentum spent. Allow your negative feelings to naturally run their course. Every feeling, including the worst ones, has a beginning, middle, and end.

*Watch out for tar pits. It's one thing to allow your negative feelings expression so they can play themselves outit's another to get stuck dwelling in the land of yuck. Signs that you are digging yourself in deeper are thoughts with absolutes buried inside, like "Nothing ever works out for me," or "I always feel depressed in the winter." Substitute "some things" for "nothing," and "sometimes" for "always." Simple tools, to be sure, but they create a little tiny clearing in the clouds to let a ray or two of light in.

* How do you get to happiness? Same way you get to Carnegie Hall: practice, practice, practice. This needn't be an effortful undertaking; practicing happiness is really as simple as noticing the world around you. Those flowers are pretty. I slept well last night. My eyes are a really cool color. That cop could have given me a ticket, but she didn't. Positivitylike negativityis habit-forming.

* Look for the buried treasure. Even the most horrible circumstance has a speck of gold within it. When my marriage ended, I got the chance to find out who I am on my own. When I lost my job, I found a whole new career that speaks to my soul. When I became disabled, I learned what matters (people, love, meaning, purpose) and what doesn't (stuff, money, societal roles, physical accomplishments). Hey, even cow pies make the grass grow.

* Question everything. When you find yourself thinking things like "I'll never find a good job," or "Nobody appreciates me," ask yourself if those thoughts are really, factually, provably true. Odds are, they're notthey're just old software left over from some part of your past. Consider turning those thoughts upside down to see if the obverse is equally true: "A good job will never find me (if I don't put myself out there to allow it)." Or "I don't appreciate myself." Be willing to reframe and reboot.

Finally, a lot of us feel somewhere underneath that we don't deserve to be happythat happiness is foolish or unobtainable. We feel uncomfortable saying something positive, in case someone disagrees with us and we end up feeling dumb. So go right ahead. Love Barry Manilow, marshmallow fluff, dandelions, and cute pictures of kittens. Or love heavy metal, Goth culture, coloring your eyes with black circles, or collecting venomous snakes. Do what you love. And then, just like that, you'll find yourself loving what you do.

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From TED talks to TV talk shows to Twitter, there are hundreds of resources these days advocating positive thinking and the psychology of happiness. And there's scientific evidence to back up the efficacy of positivity, from neuroscience studies of the brain to controlled experiments in disease management, overall life assessment, and healthy outcomes.

The thing is, you can't *force* yourself to be positive, and although the "fake it til you make it" philosophy has some validity (apparently smiling even a fake smile can change your brain's chemistry, just because it tweaks the part of your brain that associates movement of those muscles with happiness), it isn't exactly a viable long term solution.

So how do you become more sustainably positiveespecially when you're sure that your life actually sucks?

* Feel what you really feel. You've probably heard the saying "what we resist, persists." So if you are spending a lot of energy pretending you aren't feeling depressed or sad or angry or frustrated, you are actually feeding those negative emotions. Imagine someone pushing their hand against yours: if you push back, they push harder. If you "give in" and allow, they stumble forward, their momentum spent. Allow your negative feelings to naturally run their course. Every feeling, including the worst ones, has a beginning, middle, and end.

*Watch out for tar pits. It's one thing to allow your negative feelings expression so they can play themselves outit's another to get stuck dwelling in the land of yuck. Signs that you are digging yourself in deeper are thoughts with absolutes buried inside, like "Nothing ever works out for me," or "I always feel depressed in the winter." Substitute "some things" for "nothing," and "sometimes" for "always." Simple tools, to be sure, but they create a little tiny clearing in the clouds to let a ray or two of light in.

* How do you get to happiness? Same way you get to Carnegie Hall: practice, practice, practice. This needn't be an effortful undertaking; practicing happiness is really as simple as noticing the world around you. Those flowers are pretty. I slept well last night. My eyes are a really cool color. That cop could have given me a ticket, but she didn't. Positivitylike negativityis habit-forming.

* Look for the buried treasure. Even the most horrible circumstance has a speck of gold within it. When my marriage ended, I got the chance to find out who I am on my own. When I lost my job, I found a whole new career that speaks to my soul. When I became disabled, I learned what matters (people, love, meaning, purpose) and what doesn't (stuff, money, societal roles, physical accomplishments). Hey, even cow pies make the grass grow.

* Question everything. When you find yourself thinking things like "I'll never find a good job," or "Nobody appreciates me," ask yourself if those thoughts are really, factually, provably true. Odds are, they're notthey're just old software left over from some part of your past. Consider turning those thoughts upside down to see if the obverse is equally true: "A good job will never find me (if I don't put myself out there to allow it)." Or "I don't appreciate myself." Be willing to reframe and reboot.

Finally, a lot of us feel somewhere underneath that we don't deserve to be happythat happiness is foolish or unobtainable. We feel uncomfortable saying something positive, in case someone disagrees with us and we end up feeling dumb. So go right ahead. Love Barry Manilow, marshmallow fluff, dandelions, and cute pictures of kittens. Or love heavy metal, Goth culture, coloring your eyes with black circles, or collecting venomous snakes. Do what you love. And then, just like that, you'll find yourself loving what you do.

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The phrase, "a smile to die for," means that someone has a beautiful smile. If someone has told you this, then you should take it as a compliment.

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Lol that not a.question but I love his quote :)

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