Rule #01: Never let suspects stay together. (Never screw over your partner)

Rule #02: Always wear gloves at a crime scene.

Rule #03: Don't believe what you're told. Double check. (Never be unreachable)

Rule #04: The best way to keep a secret? Keep it to yourself. Second best? Tell one other person - if you must. There is no third best.

Rule #05: Don't waste good.

Rule #06: Don't apologize; it's a sign of weakness

Rule #07: Always be specific when you lie.

Rule #08: Never take anything for granted.

Rule #09: Never go anywhere without a knife.

Rule #10: Never get personally involved in a case.

Rule #11: When the job is done, walk away.

Rule #12: Never date a coworker.

Rule #13: Never, ever, involve lawyers.

Rule #14: [UNSTATED]

Rule #15: Always work as a team.

Rule #16: If someone thinks they have the upper-hand... Break it.

Rule #17: [UNSTATED]

Rule #18: It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission.

Rule #19: [UNSTATED]

Rule #20: [UNSTATED]

Rule #21: [UNSTATED]

Rule #22: Never, ever bother Gibbs in interrogation.

Rule #23: Never mess with a Marine's coffee if you want to live.

Rule #24: [UNSTATED]

Rule #25: [UNSTATED]

Rule #26: [UNSTATED]

Rule #27: There are two ways to follow: 1. They don't notice you, 2. They only notice you.

Rule #28: [UNSTATED]

Rule #29: [UNSTATED]

Rule #30: [UNSTATED]

Rule #31: [UNSTATED]

Rule #32: [UNSTATED]

Rule #33: [UNSTATED]

Rule #34: [UNSTATED]

Rule #35: All ways watch the watchers.

Rule #36: [UNSTATED]

Rule #37: [UNSTATED]

Rule #38: Your case, your lead.

Rule #39: There is no such thing as coincidence.

Rule #40: If it seems like someone is out to get you, they are.

Rule #41: [UNSTATED]

Rule #42: [UNSTATED]

Rule #43: [UNSTATED]

Rule #44: First things first: hide the women and children.

Rule #45: Clean up your own mess. (Gibbs: "Left a mess I've got to clean up." Tony: "That's [rule] 45, basically.")

Rule #46: [UNSTATED]

Rule #47: [UNSTATED]

Rule #48: [UNSTATED]

Rule #49: [UNSTATED]

Rule #50: [UNSTATED]

Rule #51: Sometimes, you're wrong.

Unknown/Unofficial numbers:

Unofficial Rule A: Never work the system when you can work the people.

Unofficial Rule B: We don't believe in coincidence.

Unofficial Rule C: But we do believe in bad luck.

Unofficial Rule D: Don't speak geekspeak, speak English.

Unofficial Rule E: Headslap only the back of your underlings' heads, anything else would be demeaning (Gibbs once said a slap on the face was humiliating, whereas a cuff to the back of the head was a wakeup call).

Unofficial Rule F: Always anticipate

Unofficial Rule G: Know how to do every job that your underlings can do (this rule falls down if one your underlings happens to be Tim McGee, but we would all get a good laugh watching Gibbs trying to hack into the CIA's computers)

Unofficial Rule H: If a computer doesn't work, hit it.

Unofficial Rule I: Always acknowledge good work by underlings.

Unofficial Rule J: When using Truth by Intimidation, always remain silent for at least a count of 5 after doing the act of intimidation, at which point the canary will sing.

Unofficial Rule K: When in the interrogation room, stop the recording devices when the information strays into personal matters irrelevant to the investigation (e.g., don't ask/don't tell rules for gay Marines, revelations of unrequited love)

Unofficial Rule L: When your cell phone breaks, have DiNozzo "fix" it

(unwrap a new one from the supply drawer)

Unofficial Rule M: Always ask for permission to touch the body it belongs to the M.Examiner (Ducky has been known to get stroppy if anyone spoils his crime scene, he reportedly threw somebody down a hill).

Unofficial Rule N: When doing a shootout, don't kill the hostage and avoid shooting off their ear.

Unofficial Rule O: Don't call Ziva 'Ma'am' and don't call Jenny 'Madam Director', if you want to live.

Unofficial Rule P: When hacking the CIA, give underlings a get out of jail free pass.

Unofficial Rule Q: When breaking others' rules, do not get caught.

Unofficial Rule R: If you want to gain access to a secure area to investigate, carry a cup of coffee and some paperwork and act like you belong.

Unofficial Rule S: Never, ever (ever) get Ziva angry.

Unofficial Rule T: Never eat in autopsy.

Unofficial Rule U: Clean up the mess you make.

Unofficial Rule V: Always keep a spare.

Unofficial Rule W: Never Underestimate your opponent

Unofficial Rule X: Never marry a woman who eats more than you.

Unofficial Rule Y: Never ask a woman her age (something like that)

Unofficial Rule Z: Never tamper evidence.

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