You're an adult and do not need to be concerned about what
others think. Do not "settle" for someone who will not be able to
be an adequate companion. You need to be pleased with the
No you should not be worried. You will know when and if your ready
and don't let anyone tell you your clock is ticking. The clock is
ticking for everyone and you have the right to spend your time on
this earth the way you want. I think your being very mature in
knowing that your just not in that place yet. Why would your mother
want you to rush yourself. You also have the right to be selective
because lets face it a marriage and children is a big commitment
and responsibility and should not be entered into lightly or
rushed. You deserve to have a man to be exactly what you wish for
and then together grow and nuture each other for a beautiful long
life together. Your only 30 and you still have a good 50 years to
decide. Take your time and good luck. Tell you mother this is no
longer the time where a woman is defined by being married and
having children. There is much more to woman and we are truly
special beings. Besides how would the world be without us, yuk just
the thought of all men makes me ill.. Have fun and live your life.
There's not one cookie cutter lifestyle that suits every person.
Some people want marriage/children and some do not. People mature
and find love at different points in life, some choose not to.
There's not a timetable for having a healthy relationship or
becoming a good parent. I agree fully with not settling into a
relationship with an imcompatible person in order to get married or
have kids. Ignore the traditions that dictate that you must be
married/in a relationship to become a good parent. If you come to a
point in your life where you truly want to raise a child, and
haven't found a good partner to share that with, look into adoption
or other avenues.
As far as judgemental family, friends. . .you're not obligated
to live your life to please others, as long as you are not abusing
or controlling other people's choices. Be happy and healthy in
whatever life you choose.
Married or not, it's up to you. If you want to be single, listen to
the advise here and read self-help books and chick lit. There's
this notion that you have to do the opposite of what everyone asks
you about when they're merely concerned if they can help (which
they cant). If you want to improve the odds drastically, start
finding regularly-scheduled, stable patterns of social engagement
(activities/crafts/sports/church/etc): not clubbing, bars, singles
scenes or that stuff. Love requires friendship, a little attraction
and repeated exposure.
Aim for mostly just friends that are
stable, responsible and pleasing to be around. Generally, fireworks
are just physical and don't last. Ignore and discount physical
attraction as much as possible. The majority have been programmed
by marketing to be discontented, visual shoppers looking for the
next thing and the most intense experience. It's real life, no
one's perfect and no one can be our ideal. Look at supermarket
tomatoes, they look perfect and taste like cardboard. Ever had a
homegrown tomato? Conclusion: Pick the best tomato you find and run
with it, and TRY. That's commitment. It is not easy or convenient,
but a labor of love. Marriages should not be happy meals w/ a
coupon for divorce. Honestly, the only reason to marry is if both
of you want kids now.
I sure as hell hope not, because I'm a 39yo man who still wants to
get married and have kids--and I feel like I'm running out of time
too. I'm single and don't know how I got to be single and 39,
always planned and hoped on getting married and having kids, and I
feel like my life is a disaster, even though I have a good career.
A 30yo woman is still very much desirable, especially by us
intelligent men who can't seem to meet intelligent women in this
anti-intellectual country. I would also say don't settle, but that
does become tough to swallow if you don't find your match. Also,
don't shrug off logical "singles" methods as the poster above might
suggest--I'm praying that dating web sites will work for me. Love
doesn't necessarily require "repeated exposure". That's just a
somewhat mis-application of the concept from communications theory
"familiarity breeds likability".
I'm a straight male, 64, never married, no children, and I've never
been in a 'live-together' relationship.
I doubt I'll ever marry. If I did, she'd have to be 'perfect,'
which I recognize is impossible and unrealistic.
So am I being 'too selective?' Of course. But I'm happy with my
independent lifestyle. There's no law that says you have to get
married and/or have children. The main thing in life is to be
happy. So just focus your thoughts and energies on being happy.
Tell anybody who doesn't approve to go #@!&%$*&.