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Can a narcissist switch from devalueing you and then idolizing you from different things you say to them or once you have been devalued then that is the end of it and the Narcissists goes away?
KarlBurgess
From what I've read and experienced and witnessed, here is my answer to this question:
Yes, an N can switch from idolizing to devalueing you because of something you said (that isn't necessarily hurtful or bad on your part but how they took it).
An N can devalue you for any reason at any time that (they) deem ok because in their head their relationship is all about them, how they see it, want it to be or not be at any time and what you need, see, want, desire means nothing to them.
As for the second part of your question... A N may put you into devalue mode (and if they are riding real high at that time and have enough better ego "supply" than you at that time and they feel your offense was enough)...they may toss you away permanently like garbage (as your value to them is only what they feel like it is an any given time).
If they aren't riding so high or confident that they have enough ego supply in other people they will still devalue you (in ways like put down jokes, indirect passive aggressive vs direct ways, that that put you in your "place" but if you confront them about it they will gaslight you and say it was "only a joke" and "don't you have a sense of humor", thus, as usual putting it all back on you not them, for how badly they're treating you, classic N and bullying behavior). In this scenario they devalue you and keep you around because they feel they might need you for something one day.
One N I know told me years ago how he dated several women at once (who didn't know it) and would give them "just enough" (attention, whatever was needed) to "keep them on the line" believing they had a real and caring relationship. This N was then divorced from my older N sister (they were two N's who ended in a violent divorce, their now adult children are all severe N's too).
So, to sum it up... An can devalue you at any time for any reason and they can chose to throw you away permenantly like garbage or jokingly put you down constantly but toss you a crumb here and there, just enough, to keep you thinking they are your friend or care for you, in case they might need you for more supply (whatever they got out of you in the first place), again, some day.
The N's world is all about them. They are legends in their own minds, kings of there own universes and you just live in their world and are an "object" to be used as their "supply" when needed. Period.
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