He said he really liked you but did not know if he was in love with you after dumping you out of the blue is he a narcissist?

Answer 1

yes he is. so are john mayer and lance Armstrong and most men who have serial intense relationships which require them to participate beyond a physical connection. they have a severe coping disability. they require structure, schedules, goals, and discipline, which is why most of them work out and are in buff condition. they need to feel accomplished externally to hide the emptiness they feel internally or they will panic, have severe anxiety, and run for their lives, fearing they will be swallowed up and lose all control of their self.

they do not feel whole inside. narcissists can only go so far for fear they will be exposed as empty inside; they are not empty, but feel the partner is so full of love and life, they will never measure up. they unconsciously envy that the partner can feel full and satiated, when they seem to perceive it as an impossible feat for themselves.

which is why the empty-feeling narcissists are so attracted to those who are full of life and loving. they need it to thrive, like dracula sucking blood.

when you tell them you love them, they cannot comprehend that you understand and can feel such an esoteric emotion. what you are saying is "i feel great with you. i feel connected to you. i feel we belong together. we can have a wonderful life together."

they, on the other hand, cannot understand the natural evolution of love, and are feeling very frightened and jealous that you are in touch with an abstract feeling you can make concrete. they think love must be instantaneous. it is magical thinking. it disappears and it returns again with another, a new love object, but it never stays.

In their mind, they cannot understand that you can love someone who is imperfect and flawed, which they "think" they truly are, and you would reject them if you knew the REAL truth. so they reject first by running, disappearing, or insulting you. hopefully, you'll retreat. they have no strategy; they repeat the same ending of relationships as if it was the movie, "groundhog day" with every partner.

in their twisted logic, it is the ultimate COMPLIMENT, that because you are so wonderful, they run, because they cannot cope with the strong possibility in their own mind that you will ultimately reject them when you "find them out" as empty.

most want desperately to stop the madness of repetitive patterns, but do not know how to alter their perceptions. it takes a strong cognitively centered person who can see the chronic chaos he causes to others by his interpersonal behavior who will voluntarily seek psychiatric intervention. psychologists are a small step, but most are ill-prepared for the neurological modifications which are necessary.

Narcissism is a real anatomical defect in the limbic system of the brain and must be adjusted not just with cognitive therapy, but also with medication. it is not a case of "mind over matter". it is a personality disorder and a processing disorder.

narcissists cannot be told by a loved one to seek help. they will interpret that as an exposure they wanted hidden from view, of being "found out". the only way narcissists will seek help is if a STRONG loving partner walks away with neither explanation nor a warning BEFORE they are ready to run. when they "feel" the emptiness of the lost relationship while they are still feeling "high", they then might possibly go to a therapist voluntarily for "depression' and ANOTHER failed relationship.

if the therapist is focused, the symptomatic depression will result in another diagnosis, narcissism. at that point, the patient will be relieved that there is a concrete term for his/her interpersonal difficulties. that's when the self-motivation kicks in to move forward. if not, the patient runs again, and the cycle will perpetually continue.

the loving partner will only walk away if she has a "deja vu" and anticipates this behavior pattern is happening again as it has happened with another partner in the past. without the prior experience of a narcissistic partner, the loving partner will think emotionally, internalize it as rejection and not take the necessary rational response to begin building a healthy partnership. it's a big risk to walk away, just when the relationship appears to be perfect, but that's the only option the partner has. either that or, accept the narcissist will never be permanently in your life.

it's a long road after that for both narcissist and loving parner. if the relationship is worth it, you will endure the ebbs and flows; if the loving partner finds it too much to cope with, then walk away.

now if sheryl crow, kate Hudson, jessica Simpson, and Jennifer anniston saw the pattern in the men they chose, they would have not been broken-hearted for very long!