How can a person increase gravity?

Answer 1

A person can increase the magnitude of the gravitational forces that attract

the Earth and him to each other, by increasing his intake of energy sources

such as sweets, concoctions based on high fructose corn syrup, large quantities

of marbled beef and sugary soda, rich French and Danish pastries, as well as the

American delicacy known as "sticky buns". As a concommittant pursuit, one must

limit all forms of muscular activity, both indoors and out, and should rest, either

sitting or supine, before a source of a wide range of entertainment, such as a

radio, TV, movie source, video gaming console, or computer with fast access

to the internet. When adhered to in a conscientious routine, these simple acts

will lead dependably to an increase in the subject's mass, and then ... since the

forces of gravity between any two objects are directly proportional to the product

of the masses, the gravitational force on the individual will increase in direct proportion

to the increase in his mass.