0
* Most victims of abuse just want to leave with the clothes on their back and are not worried about leaving their abuser penniless. The abuser has taken everything from their victim ... their dignity; peace of mind; brain washed them into believing no other man would want them and they are useless and will never make it out in the world on their own; alienated them from their family and friends and controlled all money issues in the relationship. If there are children involved then the best you can hope for is child support and that would have to go through the courts. Victims of abuse generally want no part of their abuser and will do anything to stay completely away. The victim should seek help from Women's Abuse Centers to find a 'safe place' until they can get on their feet. These centers give moral support; programs about victims of abuse; go to court with them; help with any children the victim may have and help them find a job. If you are smart you'll head out the door and never look back and not look for revenge because the abuser always loses in the end ... they hang themselves with their own rope.
Wiki User
∙ 14y ago
Add your answer:
Earn +20 pts
The power relationship between the abuser and the victim?
The victim has no power or they would not be abused. The abuser always has the control. Children and the elderly are victimized often in society as well as men and women. The abuser will start out by abusing psychologically and 'put down' their victim until they leave their victim confused with no self confidence. The abuser may threaten to leave their victim (this is terrifying to the elderly); leave the wife and take the children; talk of killing the victim or anyone that is close to them. The abuser often isolates their victim so their victim has no family or friends to turn too and they have to suffer in silence and depend on their abuser.
Is it common for the abused victim to be smarter and better looking and more socially accepted than the abuser?
Yes. But it is also common for the abuser to be all of those things. Abusive realtions are common, physical and verbal, romantic and non.
Why do so many Abuse websites and talk shows that deal with abuse suggest that the victim get counseling when it is plain that this will just be another thing for the abuser to use against her?
If the victim hasn't left on her own, it's obvious that just telling her to leave won't make much sense. Most responsible advice tells the abuser and victim to go to counseling so that the problem can be accurately diagnosed and both parties will be able to slowly acknowledge the eventual outcome. Using that method results in far fewer problems in the long run. It may appear to be a clear problem to some people with an obvious answer, but other people need a little time to live with the problem and learn to deal with it and yes, even to have a chance to change their behavior. Because, while the abuser is in definite need of counseling, so is the victim of abuse. There are personality traits, learned behaviors and traumatic instances that an abuse victim may be able to alter given the right therapy. Juts the fact that your're worried that therapy is something that can be used against the victim rather than a tool to free her indicates a need for counseling.
Why do talk show hosts seem to look the other way when dealing with abusers and send the abuser home with the victim when the reality is that she faces serious repercussions for her candid statements?
The public heard her confessions and she has everyone's sympathy for the abuse. Do you think the abuser will go back to his old ways when people will now be watching him closer? It is possible that they could, but this person will have all sorts of hard evidence when she does finally divorce him. Being on TV may be a real push to change for this abuser.
Can an abuse victim get to a point where they seem to be emulating the abuser without realizing it when they just have had enough of being manipulated and controlled and are starting to fight back?
Even a mild-mannered person (male/female) can be cornered one too many times and come out fighting. If it's mental abuse arguing pursues, but if the victim has been physically abused she will probably end up the loser in the fight to save herself. The only recourse is to plan her escape and head for the first Abused Women Center in her area, or, press charges against her abuser and be sure she is not in the same home with him when he's arrested. Yes, victims of abuse can emulate their abuser in their own minds, and, if they can free themselves of their abuser and start another life, without counseling this person can become abusive to a new partner, their children or friends. Marcy
The power relationship between the abuser and the victim?
The victim has no power or they would not be abused. The abuser always has the control. Children and the elderly are victimized often in society as well as men and women. The abuser will start out by abusing psychologically and 'put down' their victim until they leave their victim confused with no self confidence. The abuser may threaten to leave their victim (this is terrifying to the elderly); leave the wife and take the children; talk of killing the victim or anyone that is close to them. The abuser often isolates their victim so their victim has no family or friends to turn too and they have to suffer in silence and depend on their abuser.
What makes people vulnerable to abuse and the power relationship between the abuser and the victim?
the abuser is called sadist & the victim is called masochist.
If your an emotional abuser what causes them to leave?
the victim or the abuser? emotional abuse cuts deeper than physical abuse. it has to do with manipulation. though emotional abuse and physical abuse ususally go hand in hand.
What role does fear play in abusive relationships?
The abuser of the victim will first alienate the victim from their family and friends and can even move to another town in some cases. An abuser is sly as a fox and at first often can win over not only the victim with kindness and generosity, but also win over family and friends. However, there are many cases where family and friends can often see right through the abuser even before he segregates his victim. Once the two are alone the changes can come quickly such as verbal abuse (the abuser is inwardly unhappy about their own failures in life and will transfer this onto the victim) and then the physical abuse often comes next. Sometimes the abuser will never apologize to his victim, but many do and continue to promise that they will never do it again, but they do. The abuser is aware they have total control over their victim and if the victim shows any sign of independence or that they are going to leave the relationship this is when the real fear starts because the abuser will instill the fear of either killing their victim; their family or, if there are children the abuser may threaten to harm the children or have the victim believe she will never get her children as she is an unfit mother. The victim is basically brainwashed; lost all confidence in themselves; has been alienated from her family and friends and has nowhere to turn. The fear is real and the threats from the abuser are often real as well.
Does the abuser have the right to be at the victim's deposition?
No, not at deposition if the victim opposes. But the accused abuser may request to watch the recorded deposition or monitor through video at real time.
What mental and physical signs are related to Stockholm Syndrome?
Positive feelings by the victim toward the abuser/controller Negative feelings by the victim toward family, friends, or authorities trying to rescue/support them or win their release Support of the abuser’s reasons and behaviors Positive feelings by the abuser toward the victim Supportive behaviors by the victim, at times helping the abuser Inability to engage in behaviors that may assist in their release or detachment
Explain how God forgives a sexual abuser who stop but was once a victim?
if the abuser is genuinely sorry for what he has done, admitted his wrong to both the victim and to god and has taken genuine steps to repent.however, if the abuser was once a victim, in y opinion, it makes the situation worse, as the abuser should be fully aware of the dammge he/she has done.I was violently raped, but i have no desire to abuse another human being.
How do you respond when your abusive partner calls you an abuser after threatening to leave?
I confronted my abuser and said that I need a healthy relationship and I won't continue to be in an abusive one. I said that I would leave if abuse continued. She admitted to verbal abuse and being controlling, but she also said that "it is not as bad as I say it is." She also says that I am an emotional abuser because I threatened to leave, and says that I am controlling her because I want her to change. Now she is the "victim" and I am the "abuser" she says. What do I do? abusers often assume the mantle of victimhood and martyrhood. Acting the eternal victim allows them to garner symapthy and support, abuse their victims by proxy, and still feel morally superior. There are two ways to cope with an abuser - to submit to him or to confront him. What prompted you to threaten him/her to leave the relationship? Abuse. You are a victim twice. One, the abuse you have self-destructively and willingly tolerated. Two, the guilt that your partner is trying to inflict upon you for protecting yourself from any further deterioration. Your partner is just trying to manipulate you further into staying. You wanted to leave because she abused you- so she decided to play the role of the victim to lay the guilt on you and get you to stay. Abusers love to play the role of the victim, and try to make you feel bad for trying to make yourself feel good.
Why do abuse books suggest that the victim get counseling to deal with the abuse when it is obvious that the victim will never be truly happy until the abuser is out of their life?
Most books tell you to leave the abuser and then get the counseling. That's what Abused Women's Centers are for. They not only give the victim a safe place to stay, but help them get on their feet by going to court (if need be re their abuser) fight for custody of their children, and help them find a job. In payment for this they expect the victim to do their part by learning about the Cycle of Abuse and also taking their programs so the victim will not go back to her abuser or, will not choose another abusive mate. These groups are wonderful because it puts the victim in a group of other abused women and they don't feel so alone in their plight. One can read all the books they want, but I call it "arm chair psychiatry" and the victim has to be serious enough to really want to get out of the relationship and thus, "The Abused Women's Centers." Marcy Sometimes abuse has left the victim's self-esteem in such a bad state that the victim has no courage or energy left anymore to leave or to make any other important decisions. As abuse is all about control, it's important that the victim starts to feel in control and empowered. Leaving the abuser must be her decision, no-one else's. For many victims, leaving also means financial hardship, divorce and custody proceedings etc. It is not easy to leave, and the victim will certainly need all her courage to end the cycle.
Why do some of the answers to abuse questions seem to further blame the victim rather than making the abuser 100 accountable for his actions?
Because once the behavior is identified, the victim can leave and remove herself from the situation, but those who continue are now taking part in their own abuse. Most advice regarding abusers tell the victim to get away from the situation, but most of them don't. Yes, the abuser causes the problem and is at fault, but the victim is an enabler who allows it to continue. If someone is being abused, she should leave, although many people consider that to be blaming the victim. Unfortunately, it's just a realistic approach to dealing with the problem.
Is it normal for a victim who has figured out her abuser to want to scream 'You are an abuser and you need serious help' during an argument?
Not to scream it, but definitely let them know
Why does a woman reconcile after three attempts to leave an abusive relationship?
Because the abuser makes the victim feel like they are and will be nothing without them. Its all about brainwashing, and making the victim fell dependant upon the abuser. No one should EVER stay in an abusive relationship, not even for the kids. That is the worst mistake someone could make. Abuser prey on the weak minded, however no one has to be weak minded, they ust have to learn how to survive on their own, and surviving on your own is possible.
