How do you respond when your abusive partner calls you an abuser after threatening to leave?

I confronted my abuser and said that I need a healthy relationship and I won't continue to be in an abusive one. I said that I would leave if abuse continued. She admitted to verbal abuse and being controlling, but she also said that "it is not as bad as I say it is." She also says that I am an emotional abuser because I threatened to leave, and says that I am controlling her because I want her to change.

Now she is the "victim" and I am the "abuser" she says. What do I do?

abusers often assume the mantle of victimhood and martyrhood. Acting the eternal victim allows them to garner symapthy and support, abuse their victims by proxy, and still feel morally superior.

There are two ways to cope with an abuser - to submit to him or to confront him.

What prompted you to threaten him/her to leave the relationship? Abuse. You are a victim twice. One, the abuse you have self-destructively and willingly tolerated. Two, the guilt that your partner is trying to inflict upon you for protecting yourself from any further deterioration.

Your partner is just trying to manipulate you further into staying. You wanted to leave because she abused you- so she decided to play the role of the victim to lay the guilt on you and get you to stay. Abusers love to play the role of the victim, and try to make you feel bad for trying to make yourself feel good.