How can help your wife get over your old drug use?

Answer 1

I really don't believe that as a wife/ gf you can actually get over it. I have been struggling with trying to get over it for 6 months now . I have been able to get over many things but this I have not. In my mind the possibility of him doing them again is always there,you either have to decide to live that way or move on.

Another perspective:

There are really two ways to view people:

1. You can judge them by their behavior.
2. You can accept them and judge their behavior.

That might seem confusing, but it really isn't; it's a matter of perspective. Most people look at others, see their behavior and label the person accordingly. A person who uses drugs is a drug-user. A person convicted of a crime is a felon. A person who drives their vehicle faster than the posted speed limit is a speeder. It is a point-of-view

That being said, people can continue to be judgmental (yes, that's what it is), or they can separate the person from the behavior and move ahead. Those who continue to live in the past, are stuck there. They will do no one any favors by living this way, especially the husband, partner, friend, or significant other who formerly used drugs.

That being said, you cannot help your wife get over anything; she has to decide to do so on her own. Much like you desire for her to live in the present, you must also. If she is unable to forgive your past, and continues to hold it over you like the Sword of Damocles, then you have to decide whether you want to live that way or not.

Not an easy decision, but kicking that drug habit wasn't easy either.

Having said all this, it is still possible that you may be able to be an example for her. By accepting that she will not forgive your past, and accepting her where she is, she may find the strength to do the same for you.

One thing that is critical, and this is from one who has decided to live with unforgiveness himself, you can never allow that unforgiveness to be used against you as a weapon. If your wife refuses to let it go, it is her's to carry. She cannot be allowed to bring it up or to throw it at you in times of stress. This is as much for your continued recovery, as for your hope for hers. (Yep, unforgiveness is just another substance to abuse.) Be kind, be patient, be loving, but be firm; stand your ground and as gently as possible let her know that she cannot bring the past you put behind you back into your present.