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If you're worried about other people thinking you're gay then either you, or the other people , must have a negative perception of homosexualityotherwise you, and they, wouldn't be worried about your sexual orientation.

If you are gay, and are in denial about this, then you may be experiencing what is known as 'internalised oppression' - you have learned through your socialisation that there is something wrong with being gay, when in truth there is not. Until you haveacknowledged the external forces that have guided your thinking and evaluated for yourself whether they are appropriate for you, you wil be unable to fully express your potential as a human being.

If you are not gay and yet other people think you are then that is really their problem not yours - it's not up to you to provide them with proof of your orientation, and as Muriel says, 'success is the best revenge.'

Not flirting with or having sex with same-sex friends might be a first step. Feel free to steal your nay-sayers partners from them - that might help convince them.

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11y ago
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15y ago

Depends. Are you? Or is she actually wrong?

If you want to prove to your wife that you're "straight" just to keep your cover going when in fact you're actually gay, then you need to get yourself in contact with a group who'll support you in accepting yourself and eventually come to terms with your feelings of shame and self-hatred. Once you've gotten on the path to accepting who you really are, then you have the support of this group in the steps you need to take to admit to your wife that you're not in fact straight.

Obviously, having faked your true self to both you and her for years is going to be hard to put across without her going ballistic after finding out she's been your stooge all this time and will likely (and understandably) cause issues. And I'm sure you can appreciate how this is inevitable because you did, indeed, lie to her and drag her into a false life.

The alternative, perpetuating this lie, is a bad, nasty way to go and continues your abuse of her trust and digs you deeper and deeper into the hole of lies every day. Some day you will likely be found out anyway and your world can and will come crashing around you. Or you'll eventually implode by trying to keep this part of you buried and stomped down, none of which is healthy for anyone and drags not just you into hell but her as well and maybe even the kids. That route is all kinds of bad for absolutely everybody involved.

So if that's actually the issue, (you're secretly gay and she's getting suspicious) look up a nearby gay fathers group either live or online. Even if you have no kids, this is who you want to contact and start getting some support from. If they're gay fathers, chances are 99.99% sure that at some point they were all in your exact same situation and can give you moral and legal support.

However, keep in mind not all wives - or ex wives, eventually - will hate you constantly and forever. Some women, in spite of feeling used, can actually appreciate that you were under great pressure, external and internalized, to follow some massive social requirements to play straight. When you contact the local gay fathers group, you'll see this is a definite possibility. There are plenty of guys who get along quite well now with their ex, maybe even go to each other's house with their new partners and husbands, raise their kids in a loving 2-family situation so don't presume it's all hell and damnation to come out.

If you're in fact not gay but your wife is accusing you of it, then you probably need to have a serious talk with her about why she thinks this. If she finds you "not manly enough" - she wants a super-butch all he-man husband and that's just not you, then maybe you need some counselling together to find out a good middle ground. If that fails, you're likely not a really good match anymore and it may be best to go your separate ways so she can go hunt for Mr Macho-I-eat-steel-beams-for-breakfast-Brute and you can find yourself a woman who appreciates your less testosterone-overload mindset.

Either way, however, you have some rather serious marital issues and acute lack of trust between you and your wife that you'll need to overcome. I'd say getting professional help (marriage counselor, contacting Gay Fathers, etc.) so you can discuss your specific issues and what steps would work for you and the wife is pretty much mandatory. In neither situations is it something that will just blow over if ignored.

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11y ago

Say, "I'm really flattered by your interest, but unfortunately I'm straight."

Or you could kindly say, "Thanks for noticing my features and prettiness/handsomeness, but I like boys/girls not girls/boys".

Or you can simply say that you are not gay and that they should talk to someone else. There is really no need to get offended nor give out a lengthy answer.

There are probably 2 ways to take things when others approach you with gay questions and you are straight. One is that they are calling you gay, which might not even be true. In the past, being considered gay would offend many straight guys, especially since being gay was painted up as a bad thing. But being thought to be gay doesn't have to be taken as something offensive that attacks your own sexual identity. Even most who still consider it bad these days take it more on par with something unpopular, but not something to obsess over nor is personally offensive. The other way to look at it is from the perspective of the other person. They might not be calling you gay as much as they are acting upon their own sense of loneliness and desperation. They may just be hoping you are gay because they want companionship of that sort. So it may not be so much a matter of insulting or questioning you as it is seeking to get what they want.

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11y ago

You should not have to convince your parents. A simple statement from you should make them believe you. If you are having difficulties telling your parents you are gay (because they won't believe you, for example) give it some rest then try again.

It is important not to lose your cool. Be respectful and open-minded at all times when speaking to your parents. Hopefully, they will act the same way.

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12y ago

The way you could make people know you're not gay is by acting like a real guy is the first thing and don't act the way that girls act. Because if you do your friends are going to start calling you gay.

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If you have to prove it, then you should really question your relationship with the people you are trying to prove it to. If their only focus is your sexuality then they really are not worthy of you.

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8y ago

You can't stop anyone from thinking anything. Don't worry about it. Be yourself and don't worry about what some people may think. If you are straight, simply tell anyone who asks that you are. If you are gay, either tell them or don't. It is none of their business and you can tell them that.

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14y ago

the best way is to kiss a boy ten times idid it and it worked

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10y ago

You can't control what people think, but if someone asks you if you are gay, you can always say "no."

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13y ago

sleep with them

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Q: How do you convince your parents you're not lesbian?
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