How do I get rid of monkeys on my property that play on my car?

Answer 1

You need lots of patience to do this:

first, start throwing a little bananas at one location for the troop. Just a few will do so only two or three monkeys will get the bananas.

Soon, the alpha male will appear on the scene and he will dominate; he will gobble up all the bananas without leaving any for the rest. When that happens, place a trap and put a whole banana as a bait, and some slices leading into the trap.

Then, once you have lain down on the ground with ten bananas placed strategically on your body, entice the monkeys with your wonderful aroma while winking and spitting all over the place.

Once he is trapped, take a can of red paint and spray him with it. Have an assistant to help distract him so that you can spray his body without getting the paint in his eyes. After a while, he will roll over and tell you he accepts you as alpha. He thinks he is severely injured and bleeding. Let off and spray again and let him roll over like that a couple more times. Then immediately release him. He won't dash off full of fear or anger, he will dash off with a defeated look.

You will be left alone by the particular troop. They will skirt your property but will not enter.

I did not learn this from anybody or from books. I had problems with monkeys on my property and observed and learned their behaviour and use it against them. If the troop leaves the area, another will take over the territory and you may have to repeat.