How do you change your behavior in your marriage with a Narcissist to end his dependence to you as his supply?

Answer 1

In some cases it's not possible to ever be totally rid of a narcissist such as in the case of a marriage, especially where there are children involved. Here is a technique that works for me. It's called the snake charmer. You must make your life appear to them as if they are witnessing the movements of a dance. Speak softly, and rather slowly, but not to slowly as if to appear slow - just don't be in a hurry or anxious in anyway when you are speaking to them. Practice this and try to appear as if you are coming from a state of grace, and control. Envision yourself this way and you will project it. Allow your movements to be slow, and fluid. When you are speaking to them, ever so slightly move you head, shoulders, and hands. This will allow them to become fixated on you with almost hypnotic results. A snake charmer uses the movement of his Flute to effect the cobra so as not to strike. Think of your "N" as a cobra. Act as though you are interested in them but more of in an off-hand sort of way. "Oh, really? Hmmmm, that's interesting" Don't act too excited about what they do or say. They are always watching for a reaction - good or bad. Be present, but always a little beyond their grasp - in other words, out of their striking range. If they ask why you are acting this way or that, simply say you're really not sure what they are talking about. If they start acting weird and in a questionable manner, kindly ask them what their rationale is for being that way. Frequently this will stop them in their tracks because often they really don't have a rational reason for doing the things they do. But if this provokes an arguement, simply shrug you shoulders, say "oh, well" and calmly walk away. It's tough to remain attractive to a Narcissist, and when they appear as though they are no longer attracted to you, pay them no mind, and learn to become attractive to yourself, if you do this you will open up a whole new world for you to enjoy. Remember, never argue with a narcissist. They will drag you down to their level and beat you every time with experience. Narcissists are control freaks and make a game of playing head games with their mate. They are usually highly intelligent (use this intelligence in all the wrong places) and are selfish, arrogant and have a "me" attitude. The only way you can have total independence is to leave! Narcissists don't rely on others and only control the environment around them to suit their own needs. =answer= I know this may not be the answer you want to hear, but the above poster is right! If you really are just trying to "disengage" from this person, you CAN establish very clear boundaries. I was so accomodating of my ex N while still with him.(Sigh) I gradually withdrew my 'supply' by giving him less attention and adoration, found my own anger and refused to let him bully me. I actually laughed in his face during one of his temper tantrums. (Be careful about doing this if your is violent-mine was a coward). He picked a stupid fight one day and left. (He needed an excuse since he knew I was on to him, see.) I "helped" him by throwing all his stuff out on the street. I haven't seen him since. Good luck to you! Eventually, in time, his dependence can be broken simply by not being available to "feed him". I knew with my N that if I just kept rejecting his efforts to win me back, he would go away. I knew that even while he was attempting to keep me, he was 'also' seeking other sources of supply, just in case mine was cut off. I am certain, he was always seeking supply from other women - lining them up for the future - keeping the funnel full, so to speak. I also knew that at some point, due to my neglect, someone else would eventually provide more supply that I was. When that day came, he slowly slipped away. It will happen, just don't do anything to "feed him" - be as indifferent as possible, leave, create a new life for yourself, and one day soon - you will be free. Warmest blessings & an end to troubles, AlwaysLearning