How do you deal with a boyfriend who has aspergers?

Answer 1

The first thing is to understand him. Us with aspergers have a different way of communicating. Most of the problems between us and neurotypicals have to do with us not sensing the other's emotions. This works both ways. We might struggle to understand neurotypicals, but they also often misunderstand us. As a result, sometimes an emotional connection is not made. But if you care enough, it is possible.

This is an answer I wrote about characteristics of Aspergers for another question on this site.

First characteristic: An obsession. Every Aspie has an obsession. That means that when we care about something, it will grip and fill our whole minds.

An aspie might have a life-long obsession. An aspie can also have short term obsessions. If I have to learn something, it becomes my obsession until I know it thoroughly. I also have two ongoing permanent obsessions. This obsession can be with anything, it depends on the individual. We might talk about it for hours and bore you terribly.

We often learn social cues in adulthood, while other people knew them in their teenage years.

Sometimes we appear weird. Others of us study social skills and learn to blend in very effectively. However, most of us still feel like we never really fit in.

We are extremely sensitive. We may care deeply about our loved ones. Yet we may have difficulty expressing our emotions in ways that people without Aspergers understand.

We also tend to hate loud noises and sometimes bright lights. They hurt. We may have other sensory issues and sensitivities, such as to taste or touch.

Some fictional characters with aspergers are Mr Monk, from Monk, Lars, from Lars and the Real Girl (who is also emotionally damaged), Abed in Community, Lucius in the Village and possibly Fluttershy in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

Women with Aspergers are more likely to be undiagnosed and are not often portrayed in movies or TV.

We each have our own personality and Aspergers manifests itself in different ways in different people. Different people may have different combinations of symptoms.

It was hard for me, until I developed a close friendship with one person who accepts me and understands me. I used to be isolated and sad. With my friendship to him to keep me going, I am very happy. Turns out, he probably has Aspergers too.

Answer 2

You need to ask questions about your partner's situation and get help with them.