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It's impossible to help someone who does not want to be helped. A truly narcissistic person will mostly likely see nothing abnormal about their behavior, thoughts, and feelings. A different question would be, how can you cope with someone in your life who you believe is narcissistic? A possible answer is to silently understand that their perception of reality differs from your own, and accept that. ANSWER It is not possible to help a N, because as far as they are concerned they are the best thing in the world and are not SICK, something is wrong with the rest of the world not them.

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16y ago
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11y ago

In terms of a narcissist recovering from their Narcissism: No, you cannot help a narcissist, as this is a contradiction in terms - the narcissist believes him or herself to already be much more superior than you in pretty much anything. A narcissist will not accept fault with an action, even though they may learn to avoid the offending action if it makes their super short-term goals of obtaining instant rewards and praise easier. You may help them find these but you cannot help them out of their narcissism.

Narcissists operate under conditions in which their self esteem is almost zero and everything is threatening. Trying to convince the narcissist otherwise is useless because they have broken their trust of the world existing around them, usually learning to believe in a fantasy world that does not exist, and refusing to believe that other people understand the world very differently. They have found the permanent solution in the belief that they are perfect and the whole world around them is wrong. You can't help a narcissist, but you can encourage them to help themselves.

The key to getting a narcissist to help themselves is to help them understand that their emotional behavior is incredibly cowardly and weak, and it must be overcome. If they do not understand this, then they are too scared to help themselves. Emotions such as guilt, pain and shame are not going to go away, but they are tolerable, and it is their test in life to withstand these emotions without running to their instinctive fantasies, and instead to rely on the evidence of their surroundings, regardless of how uncomfortable it might feel. They have to do what they really think is worse for themselves and overcome their childish thinking.

So in short, no you cannot help a narcissist, but you can help them help themselves.
You can only help someone when they themselves recognise their need for help.

Narcissists are in extreme denial of reality. They believe absolutely in their own point of view, their opinions, and their indispensable value to the world. Even as they flip flop from one POV to the diametric opposite, they hold the same conviction of the utter rightness of that POV.

They are not self aware, and lack total empathy for anyone. They are driven by their need (entitlement!) to be popular and worshipped constantly.

As such they are are probably extremely unlikely to see themselves as anything other than perfect. It is everyone else who is the problem. Can a narcissist be helped while believing in this? I doubt it.

If a narcissist truly believes they need help, then there is a potential for help. A qualified therapist specialising in narcissistic personality disorder should be the first port of call.

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14y ago

Fear. You have to find out what their core fear is, i.e. what their hiding from, and use it against them. The funny thing about narcissists is that they're not psycopaths. They are reactive, not active. If they come to fear you, they will actually admire you. Twisted, I know. They wont understand why, they wont even ponder it. They will just simply focus on you and wish they could be like you. They will suck up to you, work to get close to you, give you gifts, etc. Pathetic. But, beware, once you start to believe their words, actions, and generosity and you forget to maintain your authority over them, they will see it immediately. Once the fears ends, so does the control, and then the ugly, mean, passive-aggressive loser is back. The solution: Just start up again with the subtle hints and threats to their core fear base, and they will fall back into line immediately. Like a dog. They only remember the last five minutes or so. It will all be new to them. Good luck.

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10y ago

If you think that you can stop them from being a narcissist there is no cure for these people. If you don't like what they are doing or saying there is nothing that you can do as this is what narcissists do throughout their whole life.

If you feel the least bit uncomfortable or uneasy with them you should end the relationship as it only gets worse.

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