How do you inform an adult that you think he or she has Asperger's Syndrome?

Answer 1

I think that this question is, if you have a child who has Autism, how do you tell them about their diagnosis. (Is that correct?) I found your question because I am trying to tell my 12 year old daughter, who was dx years ago, about the fact that she has Autism. We just told her very simply tonight that she has Autism, and that means that her brain works a little differently than other kids' brains. We talked about all of her strengths, and also about some of her challenges that are related to her Autism, like the fact that she repeats phrases or words all the time. She was completely fine with the conversation. Now I'm writing a social story that will tell her similar information. Fran

Answer 2

Tell them honestly. If a child has Asperger's, they are probably intelligent enough to understand you well, depending on the child's age.

It might work to sit them down and first ask if they have noticed ways that they are different from other kids. (But use more precise language then that, since they take things literally and may not get what you mean by different.) Since kids with Asperger's typically have problems observing and interpreting their peers' social interactions, they will likely say no, but they might have noticed, and it might be the case that they are wondering why. You'll never know until you ask. If they say yes, there's a chance may launch into a long-winded explanation that may be off topic. Calmly (since they have no idea they are off-topic, and aren't trying to be rude) give them a prompt, like "I need a chance to speak now."

If they say no, you might want to point out the ways you have noticed they are different.

Then, tell them the truth. That they are different in the ways they are because they have a disorder (not a disease) called Asperger's syndrome. Explain to them what that means in the most accurate terms that they will be able to understand.

Be reassuring and address their concerns as they come up. Then tell them what you are going to do. For example, explain to them if they are going to be put in gifted classes, social skills classes, or see a psychologist. Explain to them exactly what these things will help them with.

Answer:

The first thing to do is get them diagnosed by an AS specialist so you're sure they actually have AS.

The second thing to do is bake them a nice cake and get a card, ideally with the words "CONGRATULATIONS! You've got Asperger Syndrome!"

OK, so I'm being slightly facetious, but there's an important point there; AS is what you make of it, and as long as an Aspie understands how it affects them it will often prove to be an advantage rather than a hindrance. If you present it to your kid as something to be enjoyed, and teach them how to work around the minor limitations it presents, it may well prove entirely advantageous. Also, what Aspie doesn't like feeling they're special?

Answer 3

Labels are great shorthand for professionals, and - eventually - ourselves. But they should never be placed in the hands of those who would use them against us, or spread around in a way that may be (wrongly) seen as hurtful.

Keeping that in mind, and also keeping to the fore of your mind that initially Dad may hear "mutant", "madman", "eccentric", or "mental" when he hears "Asperger's" being spoken about in respect of himself for the first time, before he has had any length of opportunity to gain a truly positive perspective on that wonderful profound different way of being, take your time over many weeks. This is so important to him and you - it is worth patience.

STEP 1: Talk to Dad about "differences" in other human beings around him, even yourself, and maybe lead to how he may see some differences in himself, over a span of say - a week. Don't worry about being mysterious, just reassure him that this dialogue is all going somewhere very important to you, somewhere possibly very important for him too.

STEP 2: Talk to Dad about symptomology, without referring to labels at all. E.g. "How wonderful it is that some people are details folk and not so-called 'big picture' folk - without them to tunnel and persevere after truths we would not get anywhere profound, never uncover hidden truths", or, "I reckon it's important that some people are very hard for peers to influence as that leaves them free to ignore 'the rules' and get on with inventing new ways and new ideas", or, "Isn't it neat that some people talk socially all the time and others go off by themselves and get things done, or we'd all still be in a cave having social chit-chat perhaps". Also talk of possible common 'comorbid' conditions and features like Dyspraxia, Hyperlexia, Alexthymia, Dyssemia, Dysrythmia, Epilepsy, ODD, SPD, NVLD/NVD, OCD, ADHD, 20% larger head, smaller ear (Eustachian) and nasal canals, reduced resistance to fungi, digestion and diet differences, preference for non-fiction, etc. Don't use the word 'comorbid'. Such matters are viewable on Wikipedia also. More help and information can be found in the related link "Asperger's Comorbid Conditions.".

STEP 3: Introduce some shorthand words into the conversation - methodical, thorough, striving, tunneling, accurate, honest, non-game playing, forthright, etc.

STEP 4: Name some famous people who were like all that, still not mentioning Asperger's itself; people Dad would admire as being a little like his positive self (see a helpful list in the related link "Historical figures sometimes considered autistic"). See if he can mention one or two more he admired for being like him.

STEP 5: Talk about difference in the family tree, but leave Dad out. especially mention what you admire about those individuals.

STEP 6: Do the Aspie Quiz, a really good pre-diagnosis test, yourself - see related link. Talk to Dad about it, and set him up to do the same test if he will. If not, do the test for him and save his score and JPG scoring-image at the end.

STEP 7: Tell Dad what you think about Asperger's until finally the penny drops that you are humbly, not condescendingly, helping him to comprehend one possible and rather common (2-3% of males?) perspective that will go a long way to answering perhaps a vast number of his life riddles, the misunderstandings, bullying or possibly thwarted success/ambition he may have experienced in his life.

STEP 8: Give him Tony Attwood's 'The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" to read. Let the matter percolate, and do not raise it almost at all until he has had time to grow accustomed to the label, owns it, is proud enough of it to tell ONE other person besides yourself, even if he couches it as a 'maybe' rather than for sure. Hug him plenty often, no matter what he says. Anything that stops you from doing so is s-i-c-k as, and needs to be swept away at any any any price. What would you do if your little child felt they could not hug you? The same. Anything.

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This is not the only way, by no means. But it is what I did, because it was too IMPORTANT for me to have my Father reject the notion - he is so clearly an Aspie like my son and I and two further children of his, plus many relatives. It worked. Really. He is a most fearsomely splendid example of "a dog too old to learn a new trick". But he learnt. And it tickles him pink now. He quietly wears it around here and there like a badge of honor. For to be rare is to be valuable, but to be rare and special doubly so.

I would welcome criticisms and extra steps to the above, as I think it would begin to help repair major familial relationships that so easily break down for young adults with Asperger's, as well as adding weighty wisdom to youthful vigor throughout the strands of the Aspie cultural movement.

Answer 4

If this person doesn't understand Aspergers Syndrome, they will be offended and reject the idea (like I did). If they do understand it, they already suspect they have it.

Maybe the best way is to find a way to surreptitiously educate them about Aspergers. Start casual conversations where it seems like you're just interested in the subject (without making it clear it applies to the person you're talking to.) Say things like, "My cousin has Aspergers, and I started researching it as a hobby...". Keep the tone positive. If you think Aspergers is horrible, they will not want to think they have it. If the person really has aspergers, they will have obsessions and will not think it strange if you are suddenly obsessed by a new subject.

Once they truly understand Aspergers, they will probably recognize it in themselves. If they say so, let them know you believe them, it's not a bad thing, and you accept and like them.

The important thing is that the information you gather on Aspergers is truly accurate. Unfortunately, there are horrible misconceptions (like the myth that Aspies don't feel empathy, etc.) Below is an answer about Aspie Characteristics I wrote for another question on this site.

First characteristic: An obsession. Every Aspie has an obsession. That means that when we care about something, it will grip and fill our whole minds.

An aspie might have a life-long obsession. An aspie can also have short term obsessions. If I have to learn something, it becomes my obsession until I know it thoroughly. I also have two ongoing permanent obsessions. This obsession can be with anything, it depends on the individual. We might talk about it for hours and bore you terribly.

We often learn social cues in adulthood, while other people knew them in their teenage years.

Sometimes we appear weird. Others of us study social skills and learn to blend in very effectively. However, most of us still feel like we never really fit in.

We are extremely sensitive. We may care deeply about our loved ones. Yet we may have difficulty expressing our emotions in ways that people without Aspergers understand.

We also tend to hate loud noises and sometimes bright lights. They hurt. We may have other sensory issues and sensitivities, such as to taste or touch.

Some fictional characters with aspergers are Mr Monk, from Monk, Lars, from Lars and the Real Girl (who is also emotionally damaged), Abed in Community, Lucius in the Village and possibly Fluttershy in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

Women with Aspergers are more likely to be undiagnosed and are not often portrayed in movies or TV.

We each have our own personality and Aspergers manifests itself in different ways in different people. Different people may have different combinations of symptoms.

It was hard for me, until I developed a close friendship with one person who accepts me and understands me. I used to be isolated and sad. With my friendship to him to keep me going, I am very happy. Turns out, he probably has Aspergers too.

Answer 5

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be autistic."