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I don't know. I dated a guy who was very, very subtly abusive. The mind-games he played with me were endless. But yes, this guy was also very popular and had lots and lots of friends. I think that what happens is that abusive people act differently towards their partners than they act towards their friends, so their friends aren't actually "seeing" that side of him (or her).

Second answer: Abusive people, particularly men, have a charming public side and a women hating/raging side used at home. They are controllers. They play this one up and one down game at home to make themselves feel superior. Many have terrible self esteems deep down inside or they learned the behavior from their father or male role model. They can be gregarious, friendly people and attract many friends while maintaining a secret they don't want their friends to know.

Also, abuser's friends are not real friends as they do not know who he is for real.

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15y ago

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