How long should you wait if you want to get engaged but he is not ready?

Answer 1

Anything over 1 - 2 years is way too long. If he can't decide by then if he loves you then tell him to hit the bricks. Many men are terrified of marriage and would prefer to live with his girlfriend (have all the benefits and no responsibility) or keep dating with no commitments. This happens more often than not.

It's a risk you'll be taking, but tell him enough is enough and to either settle down and cough up with an engagement ring, start making plans for a marriage or you're hitting the road.

AnswerIt depends on why he isn't ready. If you're under 21, then you should wait until you've both graduated from college (crazy, but VERY VERY true - you'll see why). If you're between 21 and 25, you should wait three years. If you're over 25, you should wait two years.

All of these figures change with certain circumstances:

If he isn't ready to get engaged because he wants to be more financially stable or finish school, add on another year to the above number.

If he isn't ready to get engaged because he isn't sure if you're "the one" - that's a red flag AFTER YOU'VE BEEN DATING A YEAR. In other words, after a year, he should know that you're the one even if he isn't ready to get engaged. (If he's under 21, never mind, you just need to give him more time to grow up; if he's under 23, give him two years to figure out whether you're the one. After that, he gets a year.) If he DOES know that you're the one, but just isn't ready to get engaged, follow the numbers in the first several paragraphs of this answer. If he DOESN'T know that you're the one after a year, SORRY MOVE ON. I say that rather harshly, but only because it's so hard to do that you really have to trust your intuition that the right guy will have SUCH INCREDIBLY STRONG FEELINGS FOR YOU THAT YOU'LL HAVE TO PEEL HIM OFF YOU. I promise - you will find that someday, but you can't find it if you're in the arms of someone else.

ANSWER

OK, this is coming from a guys perspective. Sometimes it takes longer for a guy to be ready for marriage than it takes a girl. Guys don't usually want to make a strong commitment at a young age. Most guys are not ready for marriage until they are between the ages of 26-29. However like me there are guys that are ready for marriage at a young age (I'm 22) and I'm engaged to the most wonderful girl ever. But I have more life experience at the age of 22 then the average man does at the age of 40. It all depends on what type of guy he is, if he's young, he needs time to mature and experience life. If he's older and still is not ready, then he'll probably be single for a long time before he settles down. But don't quickly push a guy out the door because hes not ready for marriage. There are a few decent guys out there so this is my advice i would give. If you love him, and he treats you right, and by right I mean respects you, doesn't cheat on you, doesn't abuse you, and is generally a good husband candidate, then I would be cautious about giving him an ultimatum, give him a little more time and if nothing comes out of the time then ask him what he would think about getting married and depending on what his answer is depends whether or not you should keep him besides it usually takes that "What do you think about getting married question" to make a guy think and pop the question.

Answer:

I personally think that there is no 'right' age to get engaged to someone. Marriage is a commitment for life, and it shouldn't be decided just because you've been with someone for x number of years. Each year you learn new things about your partner, and considering divorce rates are so high, it's certainly not a decision to make lightly. Sure, after two years a relationship can still be strong, but that's not to say that it still will be in five years. Once you are sure that your lives are headed down the same path, and you have lived together (provided you don't have beliefs against that) and learnt those things that actually do annoy you about that person, and that you can work through them, then perhaps you are right. AND different people experience things at different rates. Just because a guy wants to wait a few years to get married, doesn't mean he doesn't love you. And vice versa (sometimes us girls are not in any rush too). That's what I think.