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2010-04-02 15:52:16
2010-04-02 15:52:16

Narcissists use projection. It's a safe bet that if they are accusing you of cheating, lying, hiding, etc., they are the guilty ones.

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If a new number is on her cell, if she makes silly excuses not to go out with you, and other signs that were not there before.


Your Narcissistic ex hasn't reached the six months yet and depending on their partners personality it may take longer for that partner to have had enough of your ex and walk away or, the other partner could be a Narcissist themselves. Consider yourself lucky that you are no longer with your ex and do not mentally allow the fact your relationship only lasted five months would be a failure on your part. Consider the fact you have learned one thing from your ex .... you know what you do not want in a partner!


Because you believe the best in people and take them at face value. You believe in giving praise and encouragement instead of criticism. I have been married to a narcissist. It was my second marriage and lasted 9 years and he has just cheated on me and lied to me in ways I find unbelievable. he is now busy in his new fantasy land relationship, denigrating me. Fortunately I have lots of friends who have realised what he was like and are keeping me sane. He has been through strings of relationships. I know I am fortunate I can walk away but he filled my life.On the face of it, there is no (emotional) partner or mate, who typically "binds" with a narcissist. They come in all shapes and sizes. The initial phases of attraction, infatuation and falling in love are pretty normal. The narcissist puts on his best face ? the other party is blinded by budding love. A natural selection process occurs only much later, as the relationship develops and is put to the test.Living with a narcissist can be exhilarating, is always onerous, often harrowing. Surviving a relationship with a narcissist indicates, therefore, the parameters of the personality of the survivor. She (or, more rarely, he) is moulded by the relationship into The Typical Narcissistic Mate/Partner/Spouse.First and foremost, the narcissist's partner must have a deficient or a distorted grasp of her self and of reality. Otherwise, she (or he) is bound to abandon the narcissist's ship early on. The cognitive distortion is likely to consist of belittling and demeaning herself ? while aggrandising and adoring the narcissist. The partner is, thus, placing himself in the position of the eternal victim: undeserving, punishable, a scapegoat. Sometimes, it is very important to the partner to appear moral, sacrificial and victimised. At other times, she is not even aware of this predicament. The narcissist is perceived by the partner to be a person in the position to demand these sacrifices from her partner, being superior in many ways (intellectually, emotionally, morally, financially).The status of professional victim sits well with the partner's tendency to punish herself, namely: with her masochistic streak. The tormented life with the narcissist is, as far as the partner is aware, a just punitive measure.In this respect, the partner is the mirror image of the narcissist. By maintaining a symbiotic relationship with him, by being totally dependent upon the source of masochistic supply (which the narcissist most reliably constitutes and most amply provides) ? the partner enhances certain traits and encourages certain behaviours, which are at the very core of narcissism.The narcissist is never whole without an adoring, submissive, available, self-denigrating partner. His very sense of superiority, indeed his False Self, depends on it. His sadistic Superego switches its attentions from the narcissist (in whom it often provokes suicidal ideation) to the partner, thus finally obtaining an alternative source of sadistic satisfaction.It is through self-denial that the partner survives. She denies her wishes, hopes, dreams, aspirations, sexual, psychological and material needs, and much else besides. She perceives her needs as threatening because they might engender the wrath of the narcissist's God-like supreme figure. The narcissist is rendered in her eyes even more superior through and because of this self-denial. Self-denial undertaken to facilitate and ease the life of a "great man" is more palatable. The "greater" the man (=the narcissist), the easier it is for the partner to ignore her own self, to dwindle, to degenerate, to turn into an appendix of the narcissist and, finally, to become nothing but an extension, to merge with the narcissist to the point of oblivion and of dim memories of one's self.The two collaborate in this macabre dance. The narcissist is formed by his partner inasmuch as he forms her. Submission breeds superiority and masochism breeds sadism. The relationships are characterised by rampant emergentism: roles are allocated almost from the start and any deviation meets with an aggressive, even violent reaction.The predominant state of the partner's mind is utter confusion. Even the most basic relationships ? with husband, children, or parents ? remain bafflingly obscured by the giant shadow cast by the intensive interaction with the narcissist. A suspension of judgment is part and parcel of a suspension of individuality, which is both a prerequisite to and the result of living with a narcissist. The partner no longer knows what is true and right and what is wrong and forbidden.The narcissist recreates for the partner the sort of emotional ambience that led to his own formation in the first place: capriciousness, fickleness, arbitrariness, emotional (and physical or sexual) abandonment. The world becomes uncertain and frightening and the partner has only one thing to cling to: the narcissist.And cling she does. If there is anything which can safely be said about those who emotionally team up with narcissists, it is that they are overtly and overly dependent.The partner doesn't know what to do ? and this is only too natural in the mayhem that is the relationship with the narcissist. But the typical partner also does not know what she wants and, to a large extent, who she is and what she wants to become.These unanswered questions hamper the partner's ability to gauge reality, evaluate and appraise it for what it is. Her primordial sin is that she fell in love with an image, not with a real person. It is the voiding of the image that is mourned when the relationship ends.ANSWERYou may have been raised by a narcissistic parent which makes you a magnet for them.Ive been raised by a narsistic father and mother and brother and sister!And i always seem to attract men into my life that are narcisists, and i don't get itWhy do you think if you have been raised my a narcissistic parent you become a magnet for them?? pls explaine, Ta :)



They are born that way. A narcissist is just a milder form of a psychopath, they can feel shame and guilt but that is all. You will know when you have been around a narcissist because you will feel used abused and robbed. Read all you can on this horrific disorder.


i would express myself honestly and state or better yet explain why i said the things i have been accused of saying or if the accusation is false i would make sure i make the narcissist understand that he or she is making a false accusation. i will furthermore ask if what was said was true and knowing that my story is backed with facts, i will ask the narcissist to prove what he or she is saying is true or false.


It's difficult to prove a negative. If a narcissist finds out some of those characteristics, all he has to do is be a good actor. Not being a narcissist is the only quality one could have to prove one is not a narcissist. There is no act a person can perform or one thing a person can do that would prove once and for all that the person is not and never has been and never will be a narcissist. Yet all the same, if you are not a narcissist, other people will recognize this fact, just as if you are, that too will come to light. Empathy. Narcissist's do not posess it nor do they understand it.


Why in the world would one even try to give advice or suggestions to a narcissist??? If two narcissistic persons have been together 18 years, that's a record most of us can't match and I say, "Hats off to them." It's amazing they've been able to survive the extreme competition for space and attention. Makes me wonder about the agenda or motive of the one who'd try to drive a wedge in this 18 year relationship!!!! Me... I'm their daughter. My mom just found out 2 years ago that my dad was a narcissist and ever since its been hell. I want to split them up but my mom just keeps giving 2nd chances. hes ruining everyones lives. im 17 and cant even have friends over because he looks at them. its ridiculace


That's a tough one, but I would say it can change according to the partner that they are with. Many people become 'products' of a relationship, especially long term. Loss of identity is particulalry something that I have an issue with. Are you the narcissist or the partner in this relationship? I am not the narcissist, my ex is. He seems to have had a different relationship with the girlfriend he had before me that was primarily sexual. He quickly turned to total abstinence with me. I am confused since I was under the impression that a narcissist is either one type or the other, but my ex seems to fit both profiles. I am also curious why he would treat each of us different. The other girl was pretty wild...into drugs and group sex. Seems like a no-brainer but I am so curious if our personalities may, in fact, bring out different narcissistic behavior. I am pretty tame and conservative by comparison to the other girl. Thanks for your previous answer. P.S. I wanted to add that I discovered this information about the old girlfriend after we had broken up, in the form of a very candid restraining order that had been filed by her and against my ex. I am shocked that my narcissistic partner would have associated with such a girl as he constantly preached high moral standards to me. I keep uncovering all these startling truths! Very spooky. I would say yes ! I had very active sex life with my N. From my understanding, he rarely has relations with his current...then again...she is a beast...



I would contact a lawyer and tell them what is going on and let them handle your ex partner



I doubt it because they would probably no longer be a supply...They are only interested in those that can be manipulated and exploited again and again.


I think it feeds their narcissism. That seems to have been my experience. I have been astounded at my N's arrogance.


God no, If things are slow or not as fun as you would like, you should express this to your partner. Do things that the other would like, Bring toys in has always been a great way to bring out that fun in your partner.


It depends if she still has any ongoing use as an aid to boosting his self(ish) image. The likelihood is that he will drop her now he has 'conquered ' her. Personally, I would question why anyone would want to let someone they consider a narcissist to get anywhere near them. I also wouldn't give in to get rid of him either - that is degrading and soul-destroying.


NO. Narcissists brains have been shown to lack the capacity for genuine empathy & emotion.



"Work with a partner" This command would have been said to a group of people.


Yes and you're very observant. Anyone who has been through a psychological "mind bending" relationship with a narcissist or a mental/physical abuser can not possibly come out the other side of that relationship without having some psychological effects. We are all just human. People who have had a narcissistic partner have either been under-mined or brain-washed for months to years. Some partners fight back and of course never win because narcissists have an extremely high ego, are controllers and feel those around them (even at the workplace) are not as brilliant as they are (and this is in their own minds.) Narcissists are clever at masking what they truly are and can take "pot shots" at their partner in front of a room full of guests without any of the guests cluing in. The narcissist is about control and power and there is little their partner can do to control this aspect in them. Narcissists "give orders" and it always has to be his/her way or the highway. Thus, the partner will either become passive and not fight back (energy wasting) and come out the other side of this relationship with a very passive attitude in not only their sexual relationships, but every aspect of their life. There are some partners that will try fighting for an even-keel control of the relationship (of course they can't win) but they do stand up for themselves. They soon come to realize they can't change this person and can either stay in the relationship or leave and when they leave that narcissist they unconsciously tell themselves that NEVER again will anyone try to tell them what to do in their lives and thus, they take control. In a strange turn of events they have actually picked up some of the habits of the very narcissist they have learned to detest. Sit down with your partner and communicate. Let them know if it bothers you that they are too aggressive while making love. Don't be afraid to speak to your partner about anything. Don't argue, stay calm and ALWAYS ask them why they feel they need to be in control. Then all you have to do is LISTEN! You both can work this out together, but it will take time. Good luck


My feeling is that the ex was not too happy to hear that you had moved on. Their preferred answer would have been that - "your life has been miserable, without him!"


Yes a child of nine can certainly be well on the way to becoming a narcissist. My niece is twelve and I am aggrieved to admit that I now believe her to be a fully fledged narcissist. All the signs were there at nine but it is just now that we are really starting to see the full extent of the damage. Has the nine year old been physiologically or physically abused? Or have there been no boundaries in her life and has he/she been cosseted and adored from birth? Research the symptoms and take heed as I have done.


IT HAS BEEN WITH MY VERBAL ABUSER YES THEY DO ANYTHING THAT MAKES THEM FEEL SOMETHING THEY ARE NOT. my experience with my ex narcissist is an overwhelming YES!! he would even get crushes on television personalities, office co-workers, anyone. It is as common as breathing for a narcissist to get "crushes" on others a lot.Since he is devoid of human emotions , he forms fixations to strangers in passing; strangers in books ;public figures, and casual acquaintances. It is in this way,that he maintains and protects his grandiose facade .Once the wife,or the girlfriend has been exposed to the true nature of the narcissist, his cover is blown,and his "adoration fixes" are somewhat diminished-thus, he lives in a fantasy world of crush after crush after crush.


No wonder this question hasn't been answered - it's a paradox. First off, a narcissist is unlikely to be looking at a site dedicated to narcissistic abuse. Secondly, narcissists only 'love' themselves!! So look up the meaning of narcissistic abuse and you'll see the meaning of love to a narcissist.


As of June 2012, the name of Tony Geary's partner has not been released to the general public.



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