If you think you are a narcissist but you truly love others and feel suicidal at the thought of being one does this rule you out as one and can you train your mind into thinking another way?
PLEASE DO NOT HURT YOURSELF. I am not a professional mental health care provider, but I have personal experience with a true narcissist. I believe that if YOU understand your selfishness and egotism, and feel the need to change, you certainly cannot be a narcissist. A narcissit, in my humble opinion, is pathological. This pathology or mental disorder is what they have become. They feel they are normal. They think everyone else is not, and is the people and things in their lives are merely an extension of his or her wants and needs. A narcissist cannnot feel empathy, meaning they cannot feel the pain they inflict upon others. They will use and discard people, places and things when these things no longer provide the flow of approval and acceptance they need. They also do not see the world as we see it. Non-narcissists see the world as something to help them grow...they appreciate people and loved ones and grow from their mature interactions accordingly. A narcissist has two selves they unconsciously deal with inside, they are in constant turmoil. They do not realize this, but see assume their psyche and daily function as being normal. It is a battle between two selves. The true self is buried beneath the false self. The true self is unhappy, lacking in self-confidence, feels unloved, unappreciated (these traits are believed to come from early childhood abuse/neglect/spoiling)...from these feelings come also negativism, fear, anxiety, etc., even hatred, jealousy, rage and bitter anger The false self is what is projected to you, that self is every good personality trait they want you to believe they have. This is their supreme mimic of normal behavior, and although sometimes eccentric and forced, they have learned that this behavior will get them what they want. This is the person we non-narcissists care for, until the true self raises it's ugly head and then we see the selfish, egocentric behavior, the "world revolves around me and my needs" type of behavior and attitude that truly exists below the surface. And it will raise it's head, those of us who also have needs and desires will express them, and to the narcissist, this is taboo. They expect us to revolve around them and continually infuse them with the power of adoration, passionate love, blind faith...until we realize that they will never change, we will be cause in an endless cycle where we become nothing but a shell because we have nothing more to give, and have never received anything in return. Certainly if you are so depressed because you see your behavior as non-acceptable and you realize what you have done in the past or present, this is a good thing... true narcissists are beyond help because they see themselves as right and normal. They know no other way to think and/or if they do realize, they won't exert the strength to mend their ways because it is easier to be what they are than to realize and change. Y the fact that you DO realize...you should be thankful for this, PLEASE...not suicidal! Please do not see this as a reason to hurt yourself. Each adult reaches a point in their lives where they look back and realize how self-absorbed they have been. Your growth has been a process of self-realization. We look back with dismay because of the way we have treated people and lived our lives. Make amends. It is a simple as that. A sincere apology for hurting, for leaving things undone, and the sincere quest for the humility needed to keep growing as an adult will mend you...have faith in someone or something and start each day with a pledge to be the best person you can be. This starts with caring more about others than yourself. Please get professional mental health care, or talk with your pastor or someone who you respect. Your life is just beginning and it will get better! God Bless. mbme ANOTHER ANSWER Like the first poster, I am not a mental health professional but have dealt with a number of Narcissists and people with strong N traits. Your concern that you may be one is strong evidence that you are NOT. People who live in Narcissistic behaviors do not care about other people except as it impacts themselves. They are totally selfish, egocentric, exploitative, and eventually very cruel. I mean VERY cruel, discarding those who have been trapped by them in very cold demeaning ways. If you have empathy for others or are concerned that you may have been hurtful to someone, you are acknowledging behavior you want to change. People who have strong N traits have no intention of changing--only hiding for a while until they get you where they want you. Then they can inflict their ultimate dumping cruelty on you. Seek help from a counsellor who is qualified to deal with your issues. Be healed and live a long happy life. Georgette