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I'd say it means the person saying it is not the brightest star in the sky. The "shut up" part is fairly self-explanatory, but the rest is a little obscure. It sounds like something Biff "make like a tree, and get out of here" Tannen from Back to the Future would say. (The joke there, of course, is that it's supposed to be "make like a tree and leaf/leave".)

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Q: What does ''shut up like a telescope'' mean?
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