What does it mean when you see a Narcissist's utter coldness and angry demeanor appear out of the blue and seemingly without reason?

Answer 1

This is typical narcissist behavior. They are unable to keep up "the act" for more than 2-4 months. The N you experience who is 'not' cold and angry is, for the most part, false. When they are "nice" it is their false self at work being nice 'only' to gain something. Once they feel you are within their "web" or under their control, they will begin to let down their facade and you will see the 'real' person - the 'true' self. I cannot tell you how many times I experienced this with my ex-N. It was 'always' shocking and I didn't get it until later. I would attribute it to something I did that might have caused it, or blame his bad childhood then try to love him through it. I was the perfect codependent, at least for a short while. If this person you know is truly an N (and only a licensed professional can confirm that), then this is part of their personality disorder and the core of who they are. They have developed deeply embedded behaviors and response patterns that often make no sense to the rest of us (that's why it's "out of the blue"). It makes perfect sense 'to them' and only them - almost always. I would venture to guess if you asked him/her why, they would give a very intelligent answer that is specifically designed to cause you self-doubt, and to blame yourself. This behavior will become more common with the good times being fewer and farer between, the longer you are in a relationship with them. Everything is about how 'they 'feel. This was awfully difficult for me to understand and accept because it was so foreign to me, but it proved to be true. They often act very similar to a toddler who isn't getting their way. They will also test you time and time again to get you to prove you are worthy of them. What you have described is one of the steps they frequently initiate in a dance of manipulation and control. Your emotion and responses to them is their playground - their game. It's up to you whether you want to gamble your life, love, and heart to join in what is ultimately, a very toxic interplay. Best wishes and an end to troubles, AlwaysLearning

answerThat pretty much sums it up. The N who "suddendly" behaves this way is simply reverting to a more true version of himself. Cold, unfeeling and angry. They can only put up a facade of being "nice" only so long. About 6 months tops. If you aproach them on why they are being this way you will only get more cold and angry reactions. Never forget, it isn't you who let him down. It is he who let you down.

My ex could only hide her anger for about a month when I first saw her strange anger side. And it happened in the middle of the night. I woke up in the middle of the night she was wide awake and angry accusing me of "Playing" her. Which of course is what she was doing to me. She wud be so nice most of the time but about every 3 to 4 weeks I would see a tantrum. Which was very scarey to see. I didn't realize what I was looking at but I knew it wasn't a normal type of anger because we all get angry. It wasn't until someone tipped me off her behavior sounded narccist I began reading and thought, OMG that's what I was seeing. A childlike tantrum which is very scarey to see when ur looking at an adult. Needless to say she knew I was getting leary of her and knew something wasn't right with her. She dumped me like a bad habit after 7 months of course this was after months of my being her everything and she never loved anyone like she loved me.