What happens if someone if stalking you and a restraining order doesn't work?

Answer 1

A restraining order is generally not worth the paper it is written off and not often a deterrent to the stalker. Unfortunately, the police generally have to wait to see if the stalker tries bodily harm and by that time it could be too late. You should try to keep in crowded area; do not park in underground parking lots; look in your car before you get inside. Try to walk with a friend even during the day. Do not park next to vans (stalkers can grab a woman quickly and throw them into the van before anyone sees it. Keep some lights on in your home and be sure all windows and doors are locked. If you can afford it get an alarm security system. If you have a large dog keep the dog close to you. Keep a phone by your bed. Keep your car keys under your pillow at night and if you feel a stalker is outside or entering your home then press the alarm system of your car. The noise will wake up the whole neighborhood and the stalker will have no recourse but to leave quickly. If the stalker continues then hire a detective to follow him/her.

ANOTHER VIEW: I cannot completely agree with some of the generalizations contained in the above response. The results may well depend on the jurisdiction in which you live, and/or the quality and focus of your local law enforcement agency. In my experience, more often than not, the perpetrator had already left the area by the time the police arrived and no action could then be taken by the officer(s). If this occurs, the complainant themselves will have to return to the court (or a magistrate) and swear out a warrant against the violator. It is my belief that where confusion over law enforcement's actions enters the picture is: While the crime of Domestic Violence is a CRIMINAL offense - - restraining orders are orders of the CIVIL court - not the Criminal Court. Law enforcement officers cannot make summary arrests based on violations of civil law. The remainder of the original answer is all good information and as general advice could apply to MANY everyday situations.

FIRST HAND: .... Last July I was served divorce papers from my wife. We had been married for 5 1/2 years, and friends since we were about 10 years old(36yrs old now). It devastated me. The girl that I loved more than life itself wanted me gone, but why?

I left and tried to get her to go to counseling which she said yes to, but wouldn't go. Then stopped communicating with me all together, wouldn't return calls wouldn't accept calls or text messages or emails. She filed for a Temporary Restraining Order & got it the next day, without any statement from me or any evidence that I had deserved it. One month later I went to the hearing where a temporary judge was going to hear the case. So I did not sign the stipulation to have the case heard. I checked in with the clerk and she said come back at the same time next week and the regular judge will hear the case, so I left. The Domestic Violence Rep. from the court walked the case to the next court room and had the case heard. Two days later I was served with a 5 year order. I had never been violent to my wife, and there was nothing that ever said I was. 2 weeks later I was arrested for the emails I had sent to her begging her to go to counseling & talk to me, work it out, nothing threatening at all. I haven't seen or talked to my wife since the end of July other than in the courtroom to sign divorce papers where I wasn't allowed to talk to her or sit within 10ft of her. So I can tell you first hand, they work. I have never in my whole life thought of doing anything that would hurt the woman that I loved, or thought she would have me arrested for sending her messages.

Response to "FirstHand": You sound like a manipulator. Your exact words have been used by many men before and since. It is obviously a red flag if your ex-wife needed support from a domestic abuse counselor. You "love" her, you "just want her to get help", you "just want to work things out"... these poor-me tactics are common ways to try to get control back over a woman; I've seen it many times. And when she doesn't respond to your prolific number of messages, calls, and e-mails, that means she's trying to stay away from you and get her safety as well as sanity back. Hope you haven't repeated your pattern on another woman!