What is the alternate history of Joseph Stalin?

Answer 1

(Submitted by my son as one of his year 12 modern history assignments.)

Joseph Stalin was born an infant. Coincidently, he was also born is Russia.

Joseph Stalin did many things people considered to be wrong, some people even thought they might have been worse than wrong. One person though, thought he did something good.

He killed many people. Some with knives, some with guns, some with guns that shot knives, one with a chainsaw and he passed gas on someone and they died of super cancer. It is thought that Joseph Stalin passing gas could induced horrible outbreaks of super cancer and meningitis.

He wanted to kill people for many reasons, one theory is that he was being payed by French aliens from Mars, another theory is that he was a maniacal domino fanatic, but most people say his moustache drove him to breaking point.

On the 5th of November, Joseph Stalin met a man named V. He wore silly masks and played with daggers.

"What a douche", thought young Joseph. Joseph was so dissatisfied with V's terrible antics that he was compelled to ask V to put parts of Joseph's anatomy into certain orifices that V has. V felt disgraced by Joseph's request and so replied with, "You have a real attitude problem" to which Joseph came back with, "You have a real face problem. LOLOLOLOLOL.".

There are many theories of how poor old Stalin died, or "Kermit" as he was sometimes referred to. Some say the cause of death was confirmed to be cerebral haemorrhage after the coroner examined his little puppet body, some say he was poisoned, but the most likely explanation is that Stalin ran away with Elvis and Tupac to the Galapagos Islands to live with the tortoises as they had always dreamed.

A monument to Joseph Stalin was raised in Atlantis shortly before the city disappeared. Fortunately, the statue could swim and swam to safety. The statue currently resides somewhere in Seychelles and is believed to be the founder of its own religion.