What is the sentence if you get caught with two ecstasy pills in Ohio?

Answer 1

First, you will be handcuffed and put into the back of a van by four large police officers. They may also use a rope to tie your feet together, then use another rope to tie your feet to your already handcuffed hands. Next, they will produce a roll of high strength insulating tape (the type electricians use), and they will proceed to wrap the tape around your face, making it quite difficult to breath, or sing the national anthem. They will drive you over bumpy roads for several miles while you roll around the floor of the van, occasionally poking you with a stick or beating you with your own shoes. Then, the police officers in question will take your pills and grind them up using a credit card (a swipe card will also suffice). They will pull over in the van while doing so (to avoid spilling any), then they will proceed to snort the harsh powder up their cop noses. As there are four officers, they will get roughly half a pill each, just enough for a subtle buzz (depending on the quality of your pills of course). If the pills are good, they will crank up the special hardhouse cop music, and drive all the way to the ocean, with you still rolling around in the back, all tied up trying to breath through the tape on your face. When they get to the ocean, they will strip down to their special cop under-crackers and dance around like a bunch of epileptics, stamping their feet and clapping their hands until they get welts on their palms. After about 4 hours of this carry-on, the buzz will fade and the cops will put their uniforms back on, with that familiar feeling of guilt and depression beginning to descend. When they remember that you are still tied up in the back of the van and have soiled yourself, the guilt will grab them like an angry farmer, and they will untie you immediately, and release you without charge. HOWEVER.....if when the cops pull over to grind up and snort the pills, and they turn out to be useless and one of them gets a nosebleed, you're in serious trouble. They will drive to the nearest convenience store and one of them will go inside while the other three continue to beat you with your own shoes. The cop inside will buy Fisherman's Friends, Silvermints, Triple X Mints, aspirins, Thai seven spice powder, fabric softener and all the salt the shopkeeper has to offer. He will load them all into a plastic bag, and march back out to the cop van, where the other three are still beating you with not only your own shoes, but their shoes as well now at this stage. Using the same credit card he previously used to grind up the two dodgy pills you were caught with, he will proceed to grind up the mints, the salt, the fabric softener, the aspirins, and the Thai spice powder. He will rack up 76 of the biggest fattest lines you have ever seen in your life, and remove the tape from your nose. So the moral of the story is, if you're going to get caught with pills, make sure they're at least half decent.