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Wait until they're on the toilet. Knock on the door and say "You alright love? Erm, I've got some bad news...I hope you're sitting down. The troll from up the road asked me to marry him/her and I said yes so I need you to vacate the premises. Um, don't use too much bog roll...it's not yours anymore."

This is most effective if their bags are already packed and awaiting them on the street.

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Q: What is the worst way to break up?
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