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Since children and teens tend to be naturally hedonistic (interested in only their fun or what they want), there is no parenting style that will allow a child freedom to discipline themselves. If a child deliberately disobeys a parent they are far from likely to discipline or punish themselves. Although there are some children who will feel guilty after doing something they know they shouldn't have, or are afraid their parents will find out, so they will confess to their parents and tell them what they did.
It's a parent's job and responsibility to discipline a child, and to teach them what is and what isn't allowed and acceptable. And when the child goes against those teachings, the parent needs to step up and be the parent, and not leave that responsibility up to the child. That is actually unfair to the child, and unreasonable, as well. But there are ways to teach a child that there are consequences to bad behavior.
But in order for any discipline to truly be effective, a parent has to be consistent, otherwise it only confuses the child and can even encourage more of the unwanted behavior. For example, you can teach a child at a very early age that lying is not allowed and will not be tolerated. Then each time you catch the child in a lie, discipline him or her. As the child grows, the rule won't change, but the form of discipline will. When the child is five years old, taking away a favorite toy or not allowing them to watch their favorite tv program will be effective. But when the child is 15 years old, the discipline will have to be more age appropriate, such as taking away their iPod, cell phone, or computer for a specified amount of time.
And the discipline will often vary from one child to another because, what one child would consider punishment, another child may not be bothered by at all. For example, some children hate doing any type of household chores, while others don't mind it so much. Also, some love spending a lot of time on the phone or watching tv, while others would rather play a computer game.
So the punishment has to be one that is 'customized' to each child to make it effective in teaching the child, which is really what discipline and punishment is all about.
What else can I help you with?
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