It seems she may want to keep you as an option waiting in the wings in case her marriage does not work out the way she wants then she has something/someone to fall back on - this is just plain wrong. It would be in your best interest to cut all ties and contact with this person, let go and move forward with your life and do what is best for you. Don't allow someone to control or treat you in such a manner for their own selfish needs.
If you truly love her and respect her and realize that she is trying to work things out with her husband, you should do the moral thing and let her go. Anything else and you will only cause her anxiety and frustration and that is definitely not going to get her back!
Probably the best things you can do are to stay cool, stay faithful to your girlfriend, and communicate with her. Keep building a relationship and alliance with your girlfriend. If you make it a "thing" between you and her ex, you are lost.
It's difficult to determine someone's feelings based solely on their actions. However, if your husband is actively seeking information about you, it could indicate that he still has some level of interest or concern for you. It's important to have open and honest communication with him to better understand his motives and intentions.
I believe she trying to breakup with you - sorry.
binding things together
If he already has a girlfriend, likes this girl a lot, and they are comfortable together, then you should not be trying to get this guy away from her. It will only cause problems, mostly for you.
he is trying to make his self look good for cheating with mistress
The husband may be able to press stalking charges, if he has asked her to stay away.
If you mean your husband has said that he is your boss, then he is either domineering and trying to exercise power over you. A husband and wife are equal partners, though the wife should obey any righteous request by the husband. They work side by side in raizing a family and making important decisions regarding their lives together. Seek advice if things get out of hand.
just hang out with her and find things about her ask her questions but dont tell her that your trying to find out is you can regain trust in her.
trying to make you jealous he probably want to get back together
The worse thing you can do is have a female friend around while trying to work things out with your girlfriend because women tend to get jealous and your girlfriend may misunderstand your friend is simply a friend and there is no romantic feelings for each other. The magic word is 'communication' so call your girlfriend; go for a quiet walk and calmly talk about your relationship and where you both can improve upon it and keep your female friend at a distance for now.