Why runaway from home?

Answer 1

I should start by saying that I am not a professional in this field. I am a person who has been there. So, in addition to keeping a daily journal somewhere safe, this is my best personal advice to an anonymous recipient.

There are a number of issues to consider when leaving home. The primary concern in life is to preserve one's life, and minimize suffering. So the first question is this: Are you safe at home? This is not a black and white sort of question. I don't know if your life is in danger, or if you are being repeatedly raped, beaten, slapped around, yelled at, verbally or emotionally abused, over disciplined, indoctrinated into an oppressive religion, or just spoiled, but typically when someone uses the term "run away", they are not talking about leaving home with their accumulated savings after two years of professional work since getting their masters degree. Am I right?

Most parents love their kids a lot. Being a parent can be bewildering and frustrating because so much emotion and expectation is present within a parent's attachment for their son or daughter. This can create a very frustrating time for the majority of teenagers. So if you find yourself in this category, it would be wise to remember that you are much better off weathering the storm. You will have more opportunities to succeed with disfunctionally loving parents, than in the cold harsh reality of the outside world.

There is another scenario, however. Abuse, neglect, and over protection are typically the reasons cited for wanting to "run away", or leave home early. All of these situations come with a tremendous amount of emotional baggage. Sometimes this emotional information can cloud our judgment leading us to ineffective decisions. In these cases, it may be easier to make sound decisions if rational thought and logic is used as the ethical criteria.

The logical givens are as follows:

1. Justification: You have a motivation to leave, and the appropriateness of your motivation to leave falls on a sliding scale, somewhere between life threatening, and unjustified spoiled brat.

2. Preparation: You have not fully reached the ability to attain your highest potential. (a college degree & good job). How close are you to attaining your highest educational potential?

The rational way to make this decision therefore is to understand the scenario as a function of justification vs. preparation.

Pick the number that most resembles the reason that you want to leave.

500. I have been in need of hospitalization because of physical abuse,

critically, or near death, or have received death threats.

100. I have been in need of hospitalization because of physical abuse.

50. I have been severely injured by the abuser, but not in need of a doctor.

25. I have been verbally abused and have endured minimal, infrequent physical

abuse.

10. I am constantly being screamed at, and personally insulted by the abuser with

comments that lower my self esteem, and damage my morale.

5. I am constantly being personally insulted by the abuser with comments that

lower my self esteem, and damage my morale. (Not parental lecturing, abuse)

3. I am being lectured so often, that I feel like I am not given any space to

do the right thing on my own.

2. I am a really well behaved person, and I have proven that I deserve more

freedom.

1. My parents don't like who I am dating.

0. Everything is cool.

-1. I hate my parents, and I verbally abuse them, but they rarely say anything .

-2. I hate my parents so bad, I hit them.

-3. I have put my parents in the hospital.

-4. I am going to kill one or both of my parents.

-5. I am going to kill everyone that I can

Pick the number that best describes how ready you are for the world?

9. I am a child under 8 years of age or crippled.

8. I am not even in high school yet.

5. I am in high school and living at home.

4. I live at home in high school, and will go to college within a year.

3. I am in college and cannot move to a dorm, but maybe with friends.

2. I am in college, and can move to the dorm.

1. I live in a college dorm.

0. I am a career person still at home.

Okay, now multiply the the first number times the second number. Use a calculator if necessary.

If your resulting number is less than 0, get counseling for yourself, and possibly your parents. Otherwise consider these recommendations:

1-29: Everything is going to be alright. Hang in there, and maintain open communication.

30-99: You might want to get some counseling or help to get the relationship back to a healthier state of positive open communication. If your in college, also consider getting out of your parents house while finishing college.

100-499: You need to get out of the house, and finish school. There is a gray area were the abuse is very minimal, and some intervention by a counselor, clergy, or another family member may set the abuser straight, but if it is escalating, you should get help, and get out. The options here are family, friends, foster care, college dorms, room mates, friends from church or charity. You may need psychological counseling to help deal with the resulting mental state. This is a bit more complicated. If you have evidence of the abuse, such as a video, or photo, you may be able to file a lawsuit against the abuser, have them arrested, and get government help. They key here, is to find yourself in a safe place, where you can finish your studies, preferably at home if some minimal abuse can be stopped.

Above 500: Go to the police. Bring evidence if possible. Have the perpetrator arrested to protect yourself AND others. Get a place to live with family, friends, foster care, college dorms, room mates, friends from church or charity. This is very complicated. You need a professional counselor helping you through this time, and these decisions. If you have evidence of the abuse, such as a video, or photo, you may be able to file a lawsuit against the abuser, have them arrested, and get government help. They key here, is to find yourself in a safe place, where you can finish your studies.

Hang in there, I know what it's like!