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I believe a narcissist can say and do just about anything at anytime and believe it. My ex husband would take things I had said to him, such as "your mentally abusive" and months or years later yell them back at me out of the blue. Basically he used what I siad to him, to get attention, sex. money, sympathy etc. from whomever he was speaking to at the time. Including his counselors, family, friends and co-workers. At least until they caught him doing it to them, then some caught on and some bought into his crap. I believe they know they are lying, they just don't care. They do whatever it takes to get what they want or need from others. My advice is to speak to an abuse counselor, be honest with them and trust their advice. That way you will know for sure who is abusing whom. Good Luck and know your not alone! This is a classic narcissist move. I call it Bizarro universe logic. They see things backwards, inverted. I guess that comes from looking into a mirror all the time. Often it seemed my narcissist ex would project his own fears about himself onto me. For example, he'd claim I had a bad childhood or that I lacked passion. These things were true about him, not about me. And yes, he did quite frequently scream at the top of his lungs that I was abusing him, while I cowered in the corner. Another thing my ex did is provoke me and also his next girlfriend into hitting him so he could claim the woman was the abusive one. How did he do this? For me, he wrapped himself around me and scared me into thinking he was going to smother me. I struck out at him in fear and he got to claim that he was being abused. Can you imagine, I am 5'1" and weigh about 120 lbs. I'm sure I'm going to beat up a man. The police didn't buy it either. And then he did the same thing to a second woman, provoked her into giving him a black eye! So watch out. They can do this kind of stuff. I'd get out of there while the getting is good. I can't believe I'm reading the above post. Early on in our relationship, my ex (N) started a fight with me where he insisted that I "rip his shirt". He kept accusing me of repressing feelings of extreme anger (which I didn't have) and he stepped into my face, screaming at me, taunting me and calling me "weak" if I couldn't even rip his shirt. I finally reached out and ripped it, buttons went flying and I ended up locked in the bathroom, curled up in the fetal position sobbing for about 20 minutes, while he stood outside the door laughing at me. Later he told me that it was weak to just use words when you could use your body to convey your message (huh?) Violence was why I threw him out in the end. I used to ask my friends if their boyfriends/spouses ever did anything like that and they would look at me like I was nuts. I was, I stayed for 14 years trying to get back the great guy he was at the beginning. Never happened, he didn't exist.

2008-07-01 01:40:05
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