How do I relate to a narcissistic daughter-in-law?

Answer 1

You don't say how old your daughter is. However, because there are narcissistic traits that you are witnessing, or being the brunt of, I would have to assume she is in her late teens or early adulthood. Narcissists are too smart to bite the hand that feeds them until they are almost ready to go out and find another source of supply.

I will put this simply: You should not put up with disrespect from anyone including your daughter. Once you give her the indication that you would do anything to "keep the peace" you are giving away your self-respect and no one knows that better than her. It is giving her the opportunity to take full control over you, your lives, happiness and eventually finances. I assure you, there will never be any peace...Never.

I went no contact with mine. Yes, it was painful because she was my only child. But, the degrading, lying and character assassinations that she was employing against me were more painful. I don't know about it now and I don't have to defend myself or put up with her hatred a constant basis.

Don't worry about her if you go no contact. Narcissists are very resourceful and will always find another victim to attach to. I assure you, when she does this, she will have no use for you and not think twice about it.

Sorry to give you the news. There is no way to fix this. But, the choice is yours. Set up major boundries. Be consistant in standing firm. Ignore her outbursts, demands and tantrums. Do not be sucked back in.

Good Luck to you. I feel your pain.

I think the above advise is the best advice there is. I too am dealing with a narcissistic daughter, my only child. She has caused so much misery and ill will where ever she goes. I have reached the point of disgust and repulsion. I am glad I am finally there. For years I have cried and have been pained beyond words. After studying the Narcissistic abuse web site did a realize that I was being horribly abused and the abuse was not going to stop so I removed myself from the abuser. Painful, yes very but I have a feeling of relief and freedom gained. Once you realize that they will never change that they will always make your life a living hell that they actually feel whole and full when they are harming others then you will be getting a feeling of disgust and hopefully move forward. I've tried to keep peace at all costs. I lost my self respect and self dignity. I've taken her back many times just to get crap thrown on me. She is highly abusive not just to me but everyone in her path. It has taken me many years to come to this decision, that she won't stop and I won't take it anymore. So sad but that is how it is.

Answer 2

Since Narcissism is in fact a bloating of one's own ego out of pure lack of self worth and self esteem, the best way to relate to her might be to encourage her to do more things to gain confidence in herself so that she doesn't feel she has to put others down or pretend to be the best at everything, in order to feel secure. Focusing on her positive points is a good place to start.

Another PerspectiveYou can learn new skills that will help you deal with her narcissistic behavior. You will need to exercise a lot of self control, let a lot of things pass and focus on keeping things neutral so that you can maintain a good relationship with your son. Narcissists are very hard to deal with especially on a regular basis. It takes patience, independence, intelligence and skill.

Narcissists are envious and competitive. They cannot admit when they're wrong. They think they are superior to and know more than everyone else. They brag about their imagined accomplishments and criticize everyone else. They are hypersensitive to any criticism, even friendly and constructive suggestions, and usually have anger management problems. They cannot appreciate the viewpoints of others. It is important that you learn some techniques on how to put up with a narcissist. First, learn how to smile, not respond to her puffery, and learn to be able to cut her off by saying, "Gotta' go". You need to stay on your toes and learn how to control your encounters without triggering anger and bad feelings. HOW TO DEAL WITH A NARCISSIST:

• be practical and don't take them too seriously
• keep your distance and stay alert to what they are doing and saying
• define some limits- by not responding to inappropriate behavior you reinforce it
• avoid conflict
• do not try to argue or reason with them- they will not listen- your winning or your convincing argument is counter to their world view
• gain more understanding to enable you to work as constructively as possible (research narcissism- Mayo Clinic online is a great place to start)
• give practical support and advice only when asked
• do not let them take advantage of you, criticize you, tell you what you should be doing and how you should be