How do you change the bad behavior of a five year old?

Answer 1

A five year old is all about learning and asserting his independence. With this in mind, one has to apply a bit of psychology to the situation. Always remember that you are in charge, your child is not. You are the parent, she is the child.

With this in mind, set boundaries for your child in clear, easy to understand terms. His little ego will not be bruised, his little psyche will not be damaged. Instead she will become confident that she has boundaries and there are punishments for stepping over the line. Testing those boundaries are part of every child's experience and it can be nerve wracking for a parent to be consistent.

First and foremost, never take a child into a situation where he can act up if he is tired. It is amazing how many parents try to treat their small children like they are functioning adults. A five year old should be getting at least 10 to 12 hours of sleep a day. This means a firm bedtime and/or a nap every day. You know how cranky you are when you are tired? Well, it's worse for a child. He doesn't have the coping skills that you do. It is up to you to enforce the rules, and make sure your child is properly rested.

Next, after the child is rested and fed, give her the rule. Simple, easy to understand rules. Do not hit people. Do not hit the dog. Do not bite. Play nice. Pick up your toys. At this point in time, this child should already have these boundaries in place, so if you don't have this situation under control, do it now. Have a punishment ready for bad behavior. Time out is a classic method. Remove the child from the activity immediately and put her in a "zone" that she may not move from. This could be a chair in a corner or simply standing where she can see the action but cannot participate.

Five minutes is an eternity for a child. Ten minutes is agony. Be prepared with an old fashioned kitchen timer. She knows her numbers now, so set the timer for the five minutes. You have made the punishment and effectively removed yourself from the "I wannas" by using the timer. She can see it work and will get the concept that she did it to herself by not obeying the rules. All you have to do is keep an eye on her to enforce the no play rule.

If your child is throwing a tantrum in a public place, you explain clearly that this is unacceptable and start the count. For most parents, counting to three, five, or any other number will give the child a chance to change his ways. The count also gives the child fair warning that a punishment will come if the behavior does not stop. Be prepared to count slowly, give the child time to recognize that a count for punishment has started.

In some situations, corporal punishment can be indicated. When the child is doing something that endangers her safety, a swift physical punishment goes a long way toward combating the behavior. Such things as swatting a hand that is reaching for fire or an angry animal is warranted. Other behavior such as running into traffic is also warranted in my opinion. A child does not understand the consequences of such behavior and bodily injury is often permanent.

A note on corporal punishment. Spanking is never the first line of punishment except in extreme cases as outlined above. If you find yourself in a situation where you must spank, never do it in anger. This is a child, not another adult and he is asserting his independence, which is a good thing. A spanking should never be administered until after all other means of altering the behavior has been tried. If your child does not respond to a time out, removal from a situation, or the counting method, it is time to consider corporal punishment. The strong willed child will usually respond to these other methods easily, but there are times when the old adage "the child that will not listen CAN feel" applies.

Establish the guidelines early. Swearing (when he knows what the words mean), behavior that is dangerous, and injury to another are the instances that are spankable offenses in my household. If after all other means have been exhausted, your child persists in the behavior, you must be prepared to spank. The rules for spanking are: never spank in anger, never put off the punishment, explain why you are spanking, then send the child to his room to complete the punishment. I find that three blows to the buttocks with the open hand are sufficient for punishment. It is more effective if the spank stings the skin, so a hard blow is counterproductive.

Never hit a child in the face. Her buttocks are large and in a place where she cannot see them. The object is to reinforce that this action is punishment, not to humiliate the child. The buttocks are tender, but large enough that spanks will be felt without injuring the child. The shock of being hit will reinforce that this is an unusual punishment that is reserved for the most extreme circumstances.

A loving parent does not beat a child, nor does she accept bad behavior from the child. You are the caretaker/caregiver and it is your duty to provide love, guidance, and discipline to your minor child. You are rearing a future citizen and if you do not provide the discipline, you might be visiting your teen or young adult in prison. Yes, the consequences for your child's behavior rests in your hands. Do not make the mistake of trying to be your child's friend. Your child will have many friends, he only has two parents..be the parent!