Who comes first when addressing letter husband or wife?

Answer 1

Outside of the traditional, formal "Mr. & Mrs. John Doe", it used to be the case that the wife's name always came first when using first names: "Jane and John Doe". This was due to the antiquated belief that the woman would be solely responsible for the administration of domestic life. Nowadays the order is irrelevant as long as it is applied consistently. The only exception is if one party outranks the other in terms of educational degree or professional or social standing. In this case their name always comes first on both the envelope and the invitation itself. Traditionally, the man's first and surnames are never separated. At Emilypost.com, she notes that traditionally, a man's name was first on an envelope adddress (Mr. and Mrs. John Doe), and his first and surname were not separated (Jane and John Doe), but that "nowadays", the order was irrelevant (for the reason above).

Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, Crane's Blue Book of Social Stationery both either state outright or give examples consistent with the following: Married Couples- formally- Mr. & Mrs. John Doe; informally- Jane and John Doe In which woman kept maiden name- Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe In which man is a doctor- Dr. & Mrs. John Doe In which woman is a doctor- Mr. and Mrs. John Doe or Dr. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe In which both spouses are doctors -Dr. and Mrs. John Doe, or The Doctors Doe, or Dr. Jane Doe and Dr. John Doe

Answer 2

According to the "rules" of etiquette, the man's name comes first (Mr and Mrs John Smith). However, our practice is to put first the name of the person we know best, or to whom we are most directly related (Mary and John Smith). Some rules were made to be broken, and this ridiculous throwback to the days when women were legally property is one of them.