What advice can you give to young girls about adolescence?

Answer 1

It usually doesn't help to say "well, when I was your age..." and then give out an anecdote about something harder you went through as a teen. Teenagers don't care about what happened 20 or 30 years ago. What they're going through is happening now, and it's all they can really see from their point of view. However, it will sometimes help to tell them about something you went through that's very similar to what they're going through.

Don't try to force advice down their throats. If they ask for some advice, or seem to be having trouble, or hint that they might need advice, then go right ahead.

Don't try to give them that whole "you are unique and that is good" lecture. During the teenage years, girls are starting to become independent of their families and lean toward their friends and peers. They don't want to be unique, usually. They want to fit it, because fitting in is comfortable and doesn't get you weird looks. But don't buy them something just because it's the hottest fad. Buy something similar that appeals to her tastes. Don't try to make her something she's not.

If she really, really wants to get some shirt or shoe that's in style right now, but you don't want to dish out the money, then remind her of another fad that went out of style within a month or how she really really wanted something (not when she was six, within the last year), bought it, and then shoved it in her closet within the week.

The hardest thing is the boys. Some parents are fine with their daughter dating, but others won't hear of it. If your daughter just got asked out by her ultimate crush, don't kill her dreams and tell her no. But you can monitor these things. Have an older (and responsible) older brother or sister drive them to the mall with a few of their friends, as long as the siblings aren't mortal enemies. Or let your daughter go to a school dance with a group of friends and the guy and come back home around 8:30, at the latest. Make sure that the friends are a good influence, though. Preferably someone you've met and liked and have some faith in. One-on-one dating is bad news.

Especially hard is the unrequited love. Some girls fall hopelessly in love with a guy who won't give her the time of day. One of the best things you can do is just let it blow over. Hug her while she cries, and all that. But if she's taking it too hard or staying in love for too long, then you might talk to her. Or sometimes even better, have an older sister talk to her. Sometimes older sisters can relate to little sisters better than parents can.

Most of all, make sure that your daughter trusts and respects you. Give her some respect and trust her. That doesn't mean let her pierce her nose, and pretend to not notice. If she breaks your trust, then penalize her for it. Don't stretch it out for months, unless the crime is exceptionally bad. But don't act condescending and treat her like a two-year-old. Try to keep a good, loving relationship between the two of you. There must be balance, so that she doesn't sit in her room brooding and hating your guts, but doesn't walk all over you too. If she loves and trusts you she is more likely to listen.

Answer 2

Embrace the changes happening in your body and remember that everyone goes through it. Communicate with a trusted adult about any concerns or questions you may have. Take care of yourself both physically and emotionally, and remember that your worth is not defined by your body or appearance.