What is something that makes you hate something?

Answer 1

For some reason I hate things that make me disliked by others or isolate me. Like if I like a subject at school but people hate the fact that I like it because they themselves hate it and dont unerstand you, or because you come off as a nerd, then i instintly start hating it too because I dont want by no means to be disliked and excluded. Even with things that I'm not sure but think that my classmates might rather hate it, I'll just leave it and dont do it. Oftentimes I'm wrong and that thing i avoi doing is done by many or would even earn me respect. It's incredibly ridiculos but I really cant help it. All of this is sounds so cheesy, Im actually not that kind of person that cries about every sh** but now im just trying to speak my mind and also tell myself the truth.

The thing is, I used to be such a motivated and curious child and everyone else was 'cool' and depressed, so they hated me seeing like that. Back then, I of course didnt get that they probably were just jealous bc I was able to be happy and they not, but now its too late, i already changed and became quite like them. I wish I didnt care, but imagine being excluded all your life and you still are a little (bc you developed social anxiety), so whatever I need to do to not feel this again im unfortunately ready to do. I know that the only way to overcome this is to have at least a person that likes me as I am and not bc they need me, benefit from me or bc theyre lonely themselves. There is no way I can just give a f**k bc no one really does, socializing and being liked is a basic human need that I never had, so I cant just ignore it. Its like ignoring hunger, you cant, you cant neither get fully acostumed to it, on the contrary, the longer youre stuck with that feeling the worse it gets with the time.

But lately I'm trying to at least be a little active and not destroy myself like that. The further I go away from the past the better it gets i think, and soon Ill finish school and hopefully spend at least a year somewhere else, where people are hopefully more tolerating and simple and dont have such specific expectations of what I need to be like. And I hope Ill find a good friend or partner for once so I can fully forget about everything that happend. And that this is gonna happen soon (and without more dissappointments)...