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I just realized this is a perfect lead in for my new act:

You know you are a vampire if...
  • You fall suddenly out of a novel written by Bram Stoker, Anne Rice, or perhaps Stephanie Meyer.
  • You end all sentences with, "Blah, blah, blah."
  • You ask for your spaghetti without garlic.
  • You avoid garlic dipping sauce when you order bread sticks.
  • Churches and cemeteries make you nervous or jumpy.
  • When you climb into bed, you really climb in and shut the lid.
  • Your wardrobe is limited to blacks and whites, and you persist in sporting that out of fashion cape.
  • You find it difficult to brush your hair or teeth...no reflection.
  • You do not tan.
  • When you encounter priests and nuns on the street, you feel compelled to cross to the other side.
  • When you get heartburn, it is usually accompanied by splinters.
  • You wake at night to a large group of neighbors in your front yard with pitchforks and torches.
  • You have a compulsive desire to count things. Ah Ah Ah Ah!
  • Running water makes you nervous
  • You only visit if invited, and often outstay your welcome.
  • A picnic for you usually happens at night and typically includes only one other person.
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Wiki User

12y ago

What else can I help you with?