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Hi I'm a guy, so you might feel like I have no business answering your question, but I am also a depressive, so I think I have some insight into mood changes, and I think there are many valid reasons for you to feel as you do. Part of your confusion might be caused by the massive hormonal changes taking place within you. You might also look in a mirror and see a "fat" girl where you used to see a slender beauty. You might feel unclean because (heaven forbid) you are pregnant as a result of a rape, or have been abandoned by the father, whose "unclean-ness" is now actually a part of something inside you. My advice is for you to go to the home page for Psychology Today and use their search engine to find therapists in your area. They will be listed by specialty, and you might find one whose #1 specialty strikes a chord with the way you truly feel. I also recommend you see a psychiatrist, not because you are insane or are going insane and are soon going to feel like you live inside the wallpaper, but because she will be able to recognize the symbolism of "uncleanliness" (perhaps you are Jewish, or are of some other ethnic background of significance, in which case, find a psychiatrist who shares your ethnicity) or the symbol of "showering." A psychiatrist will, if she feels it necessary, be able to provide you with correct drugs to counteract what you are undoubtedly experiencing as a very real and very powerful and probably intensely disturbing sensation. A therapist, on the other hand, cannot provide drugs, but might be able to talk with you about your future. Perhaps the best medical thing might be for you not to have, or to have but not keep, this baby at this moment in your life. You might have had big plans that this event has severely disrupted, and it's ok for you to resent that, and this resentment might manifest itself in "uncleanliness." There is plenty of help for you, but you must take these positive steps to first protect yourself, then your unborn and defenseless baby. There is truly absolutely no reason for you to continue in what you yourself seem to agree is a strange and unnatural situation for you. Phil

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18y ago

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