What is the definition of a you-message?

Answer 1

A You-Message is responding to conflict with blame, saying things like "YOU cannot handle situations!" or "This is YOUR fault." You-Messages often make things worse because the cause the other person to go on the defensive. The alternative to a You-Message is an I-message, which would be something like "I felt sad when you did this," or "I feel let down". I-messages are putting your emotion into what you want to tell someone to let them know that you didn't like what happened, but you are willing to listen to what they have to say.