How can a victim of emotional abuse find some kind of middle ground between throwing an abuse book in the trash and saying the book is full of lies and buying every word in it hook line and sinker?

Answer 1

Just as with any self-help book, there may be parts that do not work for your situation. You take what wisdom you can from it, and determine what you will do with your life. If you have determined you are in an abusive situation, then you should get help from a third party to sort out your options. As you recognize that you have been emotionally abused, you may want to follow that person's advice without second thoughts until you are safe.

A victim can read all the books they want and go on all the websites they want, but the bottom line is, they have to have courage enough and be mad enough to want to leave their abuser. They must plan when to leave (usually when he is at work) and go to an Abused Women's Center or, Mental Health and they will help out. The victim will be sent to a "safe house."

There is NO MIDDLE GROUND! You stay and take it, or you plan your escape and leave and seek help.

Marcy

Unless the book is written by someone that has been abused and survived and become independent, (they could co-write with a professional such as a psychologist or psychiatrist or just on their own steam) then put the book back on the shelf! Psychologists/Psychiatrists may write books on many things, but I always go for the books where the person has experienced the abuse problem and lets us "walk in their shoes" and I trust their knowledge more. Psychiatry has it's place, but it's not a proven science. In fact, Psychiatry is just many professional's opinions. You get a more in depth idea of what signs to look for, how the person felt and somehow you feel connected to this person. In the same mind-set you also admire the person for having the fortitude to move away from this abusive relationship so it boils down to healthy reading and good guidance.

There are many abuse programs you can attend and all you have to do is call your local Mental Health or Women's Abuse Centers in your area.

A victim of abuse is just surviving the best she can so it's tough to concentrate to find out how to get out of the web of deceit and manipulation from the abuser be it mental or physical abuse. The victim needs guidance from these programs. Many of the people that lead these programs have been abused victims at one time so they know exactly where abused women are coming from and how to get out of a bad abusive relationship.

Once the victim gets counseling from these programs they begin to calm down and have a chance to think things out for the first time in a long while. Abused victims are not stupid, ignorant, a lower species of the human race or weak individuals. In fact, they are simply women wanting to stay alive and reaching for a better life and that takes strength! Now all they have to do is take that strength and fight for what they really want and leave their abuser.

It is very important abused women learn the signs of abuse (any of us can miss those signs when we fall in love with someone)and it's important for them to realize that not all men are bad. There are some good guys out there and Abused Women's Center don't aim at making abused women into man haters.

I volunteer for a Women's Abuse Center and I admire many of the women there. Some get jobs and do very well, well some want to stay home and raise their children, but all strive for peace, independence and the knowledge they are survivors (be proud of it) and have gained even more strength then they use to have before.

Good luck Marcy