How do you deal with a lying manipulative stepdaughter?

Answer 1

Humans rarely listen to advice. What you would not do is try to get between your son and his wife. What you would do is recognize her point of view and politely let her know you see it (with examples). "Honey, I know you love my son, but if you lie to him he will find out, this is why I am honest. When you _____ I saw ____." Then expect denial and do not bother arguing or responding to the denial, just walk away. Do not ever respond to her in any way electronically or in writing.

Realize that she is more than likely living a pattern, like a building mathematical sequence, she will not change. Any attempts to change her behavior will result in misery for yourself, and growth of the mathematical procession (making things she does worse).

On relating, which is a big part of my book which is coming out next year, try and put yourself in her shoes. It will be difficult, but it is possible to see what her primary goal is, and you may even find she has a singular goal, (separation from family, control, lust, children, and money are some primary human goals) which her life revolves around. Once you find this, her actions will be clear before she does them. Unfortunately primary goals never change in a person no matter what the external or environmental input.

From here you will be able to reasonably ask, "Does what she did directly affect my life?" If so then talk to her, if her actions are devious enough, in front of your son, not sitting them down, just thrown at them while together and not around other family members. "Oh by the way it was very rude when you...." walking away from denial, just leave the room.

If what she does has no negative influence on your life you have to step back and let it go. It stinks because you love your son dearly, but he has made his choice and once that threshold is crossed the best you can hope for is that he will see it someday as you do. But do not bother trying to get him to relate to your feelings of her, it won't work in your favor.

If you do politely say something and she becomes agitated and you walk away do not bother mentioning anything again, ever. It is at this point that you must realize that the reason she has been put on the Earth is to teach people how not to act, and unfortunately there are allot of these people out there. After all if everything was perfect would we know what perfect was? :)

Good Luck

Thomas

Answer 2

Have a lot of patience and always listen and do not be quick to judge. And also set a appointment for your can go to counciling .